to the very, very large man in the pet store parking lot:

what exactly is the giant, cobalt blue camouflage sweatsuit camouflaging? it is not the fact that the elastic in those sweatpants has seen better days or that you are wearing a pair black jockeys (that also have elastic issues). were you soon to be hunting underwater? is there a flock of bright blue parakeets that need a-shootin'?
i also adored the accesories, for what separates us from the animals if not our ability to accessorize? so thank you for the blue camo bandanna topped with the white, bedazzled, mesh baseball hat.
you completely rocked that outfit. and i especially appreciated the fact that i got to stare at it for ten minutes while you meandered, no sauntered, your way down the middle of the aisle completely mindless of anyone trying to get around your giant display of trailer trashiness. i wouldn't have wanted to miss a second of that.

alas, my only regret is that i was without a camera.

thanks again.

sincerely,
entertained in the parking lot