ex 1:
j calls my cell phone while i am at class. he is panicked and can barely talk.
mom, it's me, j, j *insert last name,* your son. mom. mom. mmmmmoooommmmm. it's an emergency.
keep in mind that he is at the stage right now where we have started to leave him for an hour or so. i am sure that the house is on fire, he is trapped under furniture and gnawed off his leg to call me, you know...an emergency. i am now driving a gajillion miles an hour.
mmmooommm *gasp* mmmmmooommmmmm *hiccough* you have to come home. pleeeaaseeeeee mom. mom, did you run the dishwasher?
omg. now i know that there is, at the very least, an electrical fire.
moommmm, i got myself some cereal. *gasp* and mom *sob* mmmmooommmm, the bowl was warm. mom, the bowl was warm and it was in the dishwasher and now i think there are chemicals on it and that's what made it warm. mmmmmooommmmmm, am i going to die. are they poison? please come home now mom. call me, it's your son, j"

i call immediately and assure him that the dishes are just warm from the dishwasher, not radio-active. and try really really really hard not to laugh directly into the phone. crisis one averted.

ex 2:
i let c play a game online tonight. he seems to be having fun. then i hear "j! j! guess what? i got to the 'buy smokes' place!"


ummm, ok, no. game over. quickly. before he gets to the picking up a ho level of the game. sheesh. surprisingly this does not go over well with the resident drama queen.


*blood curdling scream* mmmmoooommmmm! now i *sob* will never get to *sob* play that. i won't go to the buy smokes store! *sob* now i have nothing that i can play ever in this house! *big "wipe snot on arm" sniffle* i won't be able to play this then until i am 92 and people like me are dead when i am 92 so i will never play anything again...ever! *sob*

all is well now. hubby went and got some rita's water ice (first of the season) and everyone is happy.