Spring! ... Spring ... spring ... (OK maybe not yet ... but)
it's 52 degrees!
the sun is out !
the snow is melting!
we are going outside!

On the way to work today, in the middle of the day, I saw a man, standing on a bridge over a stream (actually a spillway for a lake) with a loaf of bread in a plastic bag ... and he was throwing the bread one broken-up piece at a time, into the stream below ... apparently feeding ducks or geese.
Not an old man, a middle-aged man.
Not a derelict or homeless man (in fact his new-ish car was parked nearby).
He didn't appear to be disabled, physically or mentally.
He was just a man, casually dressed, spending his early afternoon throwing an entire loaf of bread, to the ducks

Ok, so I'm at work ... so I'll be brief.
Had a productive day yesterday because I made a "to do list" (2 legal pages long).
So while M and D are making vacation (in warmer climes) lists, I am making a list of the things I have to do here ... including those that did not get done yesterday!
* Just a question ~ does anyone else out there start their 8-hour work day at 2:30 pm???

he saw them, he saw them ...
my husband saw the puppies yesterday.
What puppies?
The litter of 10 Burnese Mountain Dogs,
one of which will be ours in three or four weeks!

Of course "someone" and I are very jealous that he saw them before us. But we are glad that he was face-to-face with the breeder again, just to let her know that we are "committed" (as she said) to adopting (OK, purchasing) one of these puppies!

another title from "writing prompts" (which unimaginative people like me apparently need)

When I think of a closed door, I always think of my daughter, and my "parenting" of her.
I've read that a child's personality is formed by the time they are four years old. Therefore this "closed door" feeling for me started the day after her fourth birthday (she is now 11). What should I have done, what did I do right / what did I do wrong? Was my husband's experienced influence enough to cover up my first-time-parenting ineptness? Why didn't I discipline more? How could I have helped her to become more focused than I am? Should I have instilled more faith? More self-assurance? More compassion? More of myself ? Less of myself?
Was I there for her enough, am I there enough now? Will there be opportunities from this point forward to shape her life, or is it now just fight to bend the will?
I assume these are questions all parents have (aren't they?) and questions that can never be answered ... but if the door were to open again ... would I go back and do things differently? ... or would I not dare change the unique person she has become.

Had a great trip down "memory-lane" today.
Got a call last week from my friend (and former co-worker) that one of my past employers was retiring. "He's seeing his last patient on the 26th". Couldn't let this go by unnoticed so, I picked up an ice-cream cake (ice cream is his #1 weakness and the thing he always gives up for lent) and headed there for lunch today.
Now I've been gone from this office for 14 years, but we did spend 16 years of our lives together (the few of us remaining) .... I won't bore you with details but:

Hey! Someone I know and love has a brand-new blog!
blue frog hollow
Please go send her some love!!!
Please!!!

* ever have one of those days?
bank, laundry, exercise, phone calls, paperwork, and stuff --- about 2 1/2 hours to get it all done - and yet I don't know where to start - and really just want to sit here with my coffee cup -
* ever have the same outfit as a co-worker? ... and don't know if today is the "safe" day to wear it or not? (e-gads! one of us would have to go home!)
* ever have a project to do that you just can't get started on?
* ever want to just sit and look out your window?????
I have snow (gently falling - not that dreadful stuff), birds and wildlife just aching to be watched today .... but alas, I'll get on with it ... let's see, where to start ... ?

Feelin' like a Monday, and aren't they really all the same?
Had a great weekend, nothing special, just home time (which is so lacking during the week for me due to the late hours at work) - chillin' a little.
Our contemporary choir sang in church yesterday, and it went very well, seemingly no repercussions - yet. It felt good to sing. I forgot how much I enjoyed being part of a choir. I really worship best when I sing.
Made a real dinner last night (not that weeknight slap-something-together and call-it-dinner). Now there are actually leftovers to get us through a meal or two this week.
"Someone" came home Friday night all excited because she got a solo in her school play, a music solo. We're feeling proud and a little apprehensive as we remember the stress during last year's drama-club season.
Got some work done around the house that will take us one baby-step closer to our goal of finishing the "other side" to rent.
And now - back to work with all the electric anticipation of what new things await me in the world of post-secondary education!

I was thinking of a day... the impetus for my thoughts may have been the cold weather. I have become weary and even angry with the cold, the snow and the constant "greyness" of the days. I long for spring, for a day like this:

The Producers was in a word .... wond .... incredi .... overwhel .... ummmm...
extraordinary
I am spoiled, and can never imagine this show without Matthew Broderic and Nathan Lane. And I am such a geek because when Lane first comes out to center stage (and we are just 10 rows back - orchestra) I am thinking "OMG - he is right there - I am in the same room as Nathan Lane!"
The chemistry between the actors was perfection - especially when they would lose it (ala: Tim Conway/Harvey Corman) and throw in ad-lib lines. At these points the audience would applaud their encouragement to continue the "out-of-control-spin".
I laughed till I cried - and cried till my mascara ran completly off. My cheeks still ache this morning ~ but no so much that I am not still singing ~
~ I wanna be a producer ....
~ We can do it ... we can do it ...
~ Springtime for Hitler
and on and on ...

But far better than I can ever explain it M has the writing talent to tell it best here go read it please!
Oh, but first ... my absolute favorite scene/song?

Going to Broadway tonight to see:

Can't wait!!!

It's 11:45 pm and we're winding down a long day here at work.
In a few minutes the last student will have left the building and I may just put my head on my desk and opt to wake up here tomorrow at 9am
(saves me the hour trip home and the one back in the morning).
Been here 12 hours now ~ but tomorrow is a better day!
We are going to see The Producers!!

**Ok, editor's note: I meant 10:45 ~ and actually didn't leave until 11:20

OK ... I've had it!
when the contents of "someone's" closet spill out onto the floor ... and then grow little by little into the room like a slowly advancing glacier ...
until this morning ~ while trying to get into said closet to hang a shirt ~ step ~ crunch ~ reach ~ uggh ~ lean ~ FALL INTO THE CLOSET!!!!
That's it!
So I did what I said I wouldn't do ... after she went to school I attacked the closet.
Not bad. 45 minutes of sorting and stacking and THROWING OUT and it looks 85% better. (the doors actually close!) Now the rest is up to her and I'm late for work as usual.
She will thank me when she gets home and she will thank me even more tomorrow when her grandmother comes to babysit and does not find reason to lecture her on the condition of her room!

You know ... as opposed to "Mary"
Remember those sweet little granddaughters here last Saturday ~
Yup, the ones with the runny noses?
Husband and I both have sore throats, today I feel feverish ~ and worse yet, today is back to work after a 3-day weekend!
Ick ~ gotta go face the music!
Why is it the pathogens shared by little children are more virulent than others? or is it just that their secretions end up all over you ... everywhere.

Once in a while I get it right. Once in a while I actually step back from the stress and the workload and devote time to my family ~ and today it worked.
Someone and I chilled a bit this am, I didn't say "eat your breakfast ~ practice your flute ~ clean your room" I just let her play. (while I blogged)
At noon we went to our favorite cafe in town (although our little table by the window was taken ~ she gasped ~ I assured her it would still be OK), she (being very grown-up and independent) called the waitress over, told her we were ready, ordered the food, and paid the check (with my $$). We played hangman and tic tac toe while we waited for food.
At 1:30 we were at the mall for her wash and cut (one entire inch from her almost waist-length locks). I sipped a cup of coffee and listened to her chat to the stylist about hair-care issues and how her friends wear their hair. We learned a neat new type of braid that I think I actually can do (fish tail? herringbone? something like that).
After this we shopped - read the extended entry to see where I caved in on grown-up fashion items and where I held the line.
But the best part is ~ we didn't fight ~ or stress all day! Not one issue!! Total fun and friendly chats and laughs! Wow!
Did I have to get out of the house to do this? What made me actually a fun person today? Is it because I had no time schedule? Well, we were actually a little late and didn't get home to well after Dad (who I think was just as happy to have the house to himself for a little while).
We were still laughing through dinner, and she went to bed with a contented sigh.
For me ~ one day with none of that "I'm an awful, hateful psycho-stress-mom who's ruining my childs life" I'll take it. good-night

Hey - Happy Birthday Mr. Lincoln and Mr. Washington (who miraculously over the years have evolved into having been born on the same day for convenience sake)!
I am glad, because I am off - well, I took the day off as "someone" has no school and we are going to have a "girls day".
So far?
I'm blogging and she's playing Game Cube.
...but the plan is something like shoe shopping, a haircut ("just a trim") for her and lunch in our favorite sandwich shoppe in town.
That will all occur after I sit and pay a few bills and make some phone calls for work (apparently students don't care that you have taken the day off and they still want their extern assignments).
Then we'll get real domestic and come home and make dinner for dad.
and, by the way, (for those of you who thought me incapable) I did "chill" for an hour or so yesterday.

what a weekend so far.
Friday night - out to a very special Valentines dinner. of course too much rich food and wine just makes me tired and stomach-achey - so then I'm not so very romantic after all.
Saturday - up early - shared our valentines -me-hubby-and daughter (who had to go on a scavenger hunt to find hers) and then got ready to baby-sit the granddaughters (2+ and less than 1). Got two granddaughters and the grand-dog. Thank God for my daughter (11) who can and did help so much. I managed to make a batch of Valentine cookies and ... and ... I think that's it. I made bottles - fed babies - let the dog in and out - and entertained the little ones and ...

Is love a choice or a fact?

Do you just one day realize you are in love with someone, or do you choose to love them? Or - is it different with each of us?

An excerpt (paraphrased) from
Mom in the Mirror:

If my child asks me, "How did you know that daddy was the one?" I'll have to answer: "I didn't know. I chose." I decided daddy was it for me, because I loved his mind, his body, his heart, his sense of humor, his sense of me, his sense. And every day since then, I've chosen to find more to love. And when I can't find things to love, I find things to like. And when that fails me, I remember that I've made a commitment, which I intend to honor, and that this too shall pass.

Love isn't something you know it's something you choose. Every day. All the time. Even when you're 7 years old.

This thought has consumed me this Valentines Day:

Addendum: Mom and sister offered to take someone tomorrow and fit her amidst their respective meeting and jobs and actually it may turn out well.
And I just got a phone call from a sweet someone to say goodnight. Amazing how much that can center me.
I am blessed with a wonderful family.

perhaps its hormonal,
perhaps AADD,
... or too much coffee?
the tension inside me is threatening to explode - building up to a crescendo to ultimately crash straight through the center of my chest. I am keenly aware of it consuming my muscles straight to my hands (which feel like they are tremoring, yet are perfectly still) and to my feet (which I am having trouble keeping still) - the "noise" in my head is intense.
Don't talk to me - DON'T play music around me - don't ask me anything!
I can not take another person presenting me with a problem to solve - asking me to make a decision on something - or what the plan is for next Tuesday - and when I look at the pile of papers on my desk I don't seem to recognize any of them as even vaguely familiar.
I am taking a break, I have shut my door.

A friend has a new blog - courtesy of M (who is so very generous)
Go check it out!
Ponderings of a Princess
She's so thrilled and would love to get some visits.

Don't you think they're making a little too much of this:
"Dr. Fatkins you say?"
I personally am not a proponent of the Atkins diet. I do not believe it is the most healthy weight loss plan. But simply because the man created this diet, did he have to follow it?... for his entire life? Could he perhaps be a secret carb junkie? Is that a crime? Really, I have known doctors who smoke - yet advise their patients against it, who are overweight, yet advise their patients against it.
If the plan works for some people ~ should they now drop it because he was (not very) obese? I know, it is the "Daily News" but the man is dead, find something else to write about.
and oh, by the way what happened to HIPAA regulations? you know, a patient's right to privacy?

Hey!
I think this is me!
OK, I'm not proud, but I am pretty much like Marlin, just ask my daughter.

What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
(and yes, I'm at work, but it's my lunch break, so I'm on-line)

Apparently the sign over my door (here at work) reads COMPLAINTS
Whether you are a teacher or a student:
* if you have a gripe, bring it here.
* think you shouldn't have gotten that F? Let me know what grade you want!
* you want the rules to be different for you than for everyone else? Just tell me!
* if you want to whine - here's the place
* Oh, what's that? the teacher has a "vendetta" against you? Please tell me!
* Don't like your class? B*%@! here - I'll make it all better for you!
* Traffic a problem and you can't ever be expected to be here on time? Fine!
* don't like the answers I have for you? Here's how you can reach my boss .... and if you can ever find him in ... gripe to him ... please ... 'cause it's 11 pm and I'm going home!
***Addendum - I never did leave until midnight

ADD kicking in this morning, or maybe I just have too much to do.
Put the coffee in the microwave to re-heat
.... found yesterday's coffee
Put yesterday's coffee in the sink
.... found the watering can.
Watered the plants
... found dead leaves on the floor under the plants
Got the broom
.... found the broom I bought the other day, had to unwrap it, the garbage can was full
.... got a bag and emptied the garbage from the entire upstairs, including the laundry room
You guessed it - threw in a load of laundry!
Checked the clock - OMG I'm late (hair apt. at noon) What's left to do?
Had to make some calls for work .... called to check messages
.... found I needed to talk to everyone there ... and Deb .... Oops, didn't send her that e-mail!
Sat down at the computer to send the e-mail and HERE I AM - BLOGGING when I should be getting out the door. Let me get that coffee ...
..... oh, now it's cold
I guess I'll heat it up.

I was married at 19, divorced at 23.
That was almost 25 years ago ... so ...
Why do I always have to remember that February 9th is my first husband's birthday. A fact I have no reason to remember, or even want to remember! (not to mention, that there are so many things that I forget that I should and want to remember!)
OK, so "Happy Birthday" ... wherever you are.
maybe that will end it
... 'nuff said, go away.

Is this love at first sight?
We went to visit the breeder today and fell in love all over again.
Here, someone is hugging 8-month-old "Rachel".
If you know us, tell me that this does not look like our Jenny!!!

We needed to spend some time with these dogs to be sure that this is the breed we want. We hugged a lot of dogs today, they were all lovers. I would take any one of them.
Milestone Kennels is grooming today as tomorrow they are taking three of their dogs to the Westminster Dog Show. She has 10 puppies that were born last week. Six of them female, one of them will be ours. The will be ready to come home the end of March. "Someone" is already having a hard time waiting. (then again, so am I)

... they will come.
Our night-time visitors are getting braver, or perhaps just really hungry with all this snow on the ground.

A free day - more or less.
Got myself 9 (count 'em NINE) hours of sleep last night. Now I should tell you I normally function on 4 - 5 hours a night without much exception.
Rented "Sleepless in Seattle" last night and watched it with "someone" and her friend over pizza. I love this movie, and the girls (11) had never seen it, of course they loved it - they're female!
Then at about 11pm I just got up and said "I'm going to bed" and I did!
I got up at 8, went to work out, and now I'm opening a can of paint to tackle some trim. The husband is at work in the basement cutting trim, and we are hoping that this will start a routine of weekend work that will finish up the "other side" of the house and have us ready to rent it out in no time.
Wish us luck!

I go to the doctors office - one would assume I want to see the doctor.
No ... I see the Nurse Practicioner. OK, so this time it was no big problem. I like this woman, she's good, and I just needed a referral to a dermatologist to have some perhaps pre-cancerous growth lopped off my body.
But - Then, (while I am still standing next to "Mary" the Nurse Practicioner) I ask to make an appointment for my yearly physical (for which I am 2 years overdue) and they ask me "Did you want to have the Doctor or Mary do your physical?"
*squirm* and I almost whisper "May I please have that appointment with the MD?" while not looking at Mary.
This gets even better:

Just a few minutes here ...
Doctor's apt this AM, bank, post office, 1 load of laundry, "someone" forgot her flute (concert today), had to make 3 phone calls for work, so... late for my volunteering in the classroom, stayed too long in the classroom. I now have 25 minutes to change, fold the laundry, eat (probably not) and get out the door to work.
Worse yet, I have that four-letter word that starts with S and ends with W to look forward to on my commute home tonight at midnight! Then of course tomorrow will be a delayed opening, making me late for work again.
This working for a living - gets in the way of your life.
Signed: "Too Young to Retire, Too Poor to Resign"

Just caught this at busy mom's

Had to try it myself.
Go here to make your own!

Last day of the module, total disorganization.
7 students still in "limbo" until they take a final and are cleared for externship and they are supposed to start tomorrow!! My job to set them up ...
... excuse me .... What am I the *&^%$ miracle worker?
I have no control over this (not a good feeling for a control freak)
and yet the students are all standing outside my office waiting for answers ...

A million things to do immediately - yet I can't do any of them until I get some cooperation! Not a good day, yet strangely I am not stressed, just angry.

I think I'll eat a bagel with extra butter and cream cheese ;~)

Hey I guess there was an early dismissal today!!!! ... someone just walked in the door!
Whoa
I didn't know there was an early dismissal!!!
I did get a call to say that the afterschool program was cancelled due to the weather and that the kids would be coming home on the busses. But that's 3:40 PM, not 11:40 AM !!!!
Good thing I was still home.
Gotta check this out with the school, need just a little communication improvement here don'tcha think???

There's that feeling again, the house is quiet, I have a few minutes with my cup of coffee ... a million things to do ... and yet, I'm not stressed!
That's it!
That's exactly it!
I have identified this rare occasional "feeling" it is Lack of Stress
Why didn't I recognize this before?
I actually am feeling very domestic this morning:

What did you do Phil?

Do you understand what you have done to us? Maybe you could have stayed asleep and just not go out, like the groundhogs in our backyard. They're burried under so much snow that they could have never dug out, let alone see their shadow!
SIX MORE WEEKS OF THIS STUFF
Now I'm really depressed (they say there's more snow coming Tuesday night)

If you have not played this yet :
Guess the Sitcom Character or Dictator
You really do have to try it!

Happy February!
Candle party yesterday -
Good friends and family - love to have everyone around...(especially grandkids!) and all those candles! Had a great time and good food ummmm.... Sand, that chocolate fondue! Wow!
But I was tired last night and crashed after I cleaned up - getting old?
Today:
church, groceries and laundry- want to hear my thoughts?