another title from "writing prompts" (which unimaginative people like me apparently need)
When I think of a closed door, I always think of my daughter, and my "parenting" of her.
I've read that a child's personality is formed by the time they are four years old. Therefore this "closed door" feeling for me started the day after her fourth birthday (she is now 11). What should I have done, what did I do right / what did I do wrong? Was my husband's experienced influence enough to cover up my first-time-parenting ineptness? Why didn't I discipline more? How could I have helped her to become more focused than I am? Should I have instilled more faith? More self-assurance? More compassion? More of myself ? Less of myself?
Was I there for her enough, am I there enough now? Will there be opportunities from this point forward to shape her life, or is it now just fight to bend the will?
I assume these are questions all parents have (aren't they?) and questions that can never be answered ... but if the door were to open again ... would I go back and do things differently? ... or would I not dare change the unique person she has become.
First of all, you have done a GREAT job with J. I do think there are still chances when children are older. From time to time, my kids still come to me with questions, problems, "what would you do?" situations. They like to think that all their decisions are based on their own thought process', but I somehow still think I have some influence over it. And there still is that everyday stuff...I am constantly saying things like.."what goes around, comes around," "do unto others," and all those brilliant thought-provoking sayings that my Mom used to thrrow at me when she wanted me to just stop and think for a minute.
I only hope that my kids turn out as well as J. You and my Dad have done a great job. As far as the closed door thing think of this and maybe it will help. I still come to both of my parents whenI have things, big things to work out. Sometimes just to get a feel on how they think the world is going. I may not always agree but I always listen. They laid the ground work and I go to them for more biulding blocks all the time. Don't you go to your Mom sometimes?