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March 15, 2006
Oh Moses you can always sell any song to me.
If there’s one thing you’ve worked out about me by now, it’s that I’m overly sentimental where animals are concerned. I sometimes think I might prefer animals over humans, or some humans at least. If the school playground, the city centre or the pubs were full of - say- elephants, then I wouldn’t have quite so much trouble getting my arse out the door.
The other day I heard on the radio for the first time in a long time, that song 'Jessie' by Joshua Kadison (in case you were wondering I had no idea who sings this song until I just Googled it.) Now at first listen this is just another cringeworthy drivelfest about unrealised dreams that sounds way too much like Elton John at his tiresome mid-nineties worst. (Goodbye Norma Jean, I respect you so much that I wrote a song about you and then changed the words to fit the next media harassed, tragic heroine to pop her clogs)
But this song is different all because there is a third party involved, his name is Moses,
She asks me how the cat's been. I say, "Moses he's just fine but he used to think about you all the time. We finally took your pictures down off the wall. Oh, Jessie, how do you always seem to know just when to call?" She says, "Get your stuff together. Bring Moses and drive real fast." And I listen to her promise, "I swear to God this time it's gonna last."
The guy? Well the ball’s in his court he can pack up and go, take the chance that he’ll get hurt again, or he can stay behind and sob into his pillow, waiting for the next 5am call. We’ve all been there. Most of us learned to just get a helmet. (I have been told that with my human empathy I should become a therapist) But what of poor Moses, he gets no part in the decision but my God he hurts just as much. I would bet he still thinks about her all the time but has no idea what is going on. And by the way doesn’t drinking tequila and looking for sea shells sound so much more fun with the cat?
So if this is what I’m like over a cat who loses his owner, then you’ve probably guessed that I can’t watch nature programmes on the TV, or at least I have to hide behind the sofa when anything gets brutally murdered or eaten and then put up with the heartless Mr. PE. telling me to get with it, it’s just Nature. David Attenborough has gone DOWN in my estimation since the weekend. I sat down to watch a seemingly harmless programme called Planet Earth and he dangled quite the cutest most prettiest, babiest panda in the whole wide world in front of my eyes and then tauntingly told me that it’s that baby pandas very rarely live to adulthood. Yep cheers Dave! Here’s a baby panda and it’s going to DIE!
So it was then that I came up with my new idea, with all this interactive TV and everything, we should be able to pull it off. David Attenborough should record two voice overs for his documentaries; the straightforward honest here’s-a-baby-panda-as-good-as-dead version for the hardened Mr. PE types and the here’s-a-baby-panda-isn’t-he-a-cutey-wutey? version for - er - well me really. David Attenborough would get a couple of extra quid for the bother, we get the respective versions that we want to see, everyone’s happy....
Well except for the baby panda perhaps, who is still going to die.
Posted by purple elephant at March 15, 2006 06:35 PM