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February 26, 2006
Pyromania or maybe just mania?
Would you be concerned if you lived with this person?
YOU; I need to go on holiday by the sea, for research purposes, of course.
HIM; Maybe we’ll go in the summer or something.
YOU; But I know what the seaside looks like in summer. I need to go in winter, like errr NOW!
HIM; (Mumbles) Can’t afford it. Can’t take Littleone out of school on a whim. We’ve both got too much work at the moment. Blah blah blah.... (in other words every excuse under the sun.)
YOU; Maybe you can help me with something else then. You know those really big static caravan things?
HIM; Indeed. Look is this important? I’m watching Newsnight.
YOU; Yes it is actually. If there was a gas canister stored underneath and someone was to - say- set light to the curtains. How long before the caravan explodes? And how far back would an audience have to stand so as to not get injured.
HIM; (Thinks) Hmmm a hard one that.
YOU; I mean it’s not like we can test it out. It’s not like I can walk into a holiday park and ask them if they have any unwanted caravans and then start a fire...
HIM; (Thinks) Hmmmm it may not be as difficult as you think.
YOU; Darling, err Hello, it was a joke.
Silence.
A few minutes later.
HIM; I’ve got it! Right here’s the plan! We set ourselves up in the middle of Midsummer Common and build ourselves a scaled down caravan out of scrap metal, complete with curtains of course. We can place one of my cigarette lighters underneath, which would act as the gas canister and then we get out the matches, wait for it to explode, do a bit of maths and there we have it. Your answer.
YOU; But Darling.....
HIM; It will be great fun, I can get all my friends together, it’ll be just like Rough Science. We’ll love it! Oh my God I’m so excited! shall I phone them now? Shall I?
YOU; Oh dear.....
Lock up your matches, there is a Purple Elephant in the house.
Posted by purple elephant at February 26, 2006 10:54 AM