« I’m still here... | Main | Food for thought... »
November 27, 2005
My stab at being a genius.
Has anyone been listening to Genius, Dave Gorman’s show on Radio 4? If not I can highly recommend it, of course I’m fashionably late with my recommendation because I think it will be the last in the series this Thursday but I think that if you go to the website you can listen again....
Anyway I came up with a genius idea yesterday whilst having the displeasure of trying to shop for some tracksuit bottoms for my daughter in Cambridge town centre on a Saturday in the run up to Christmas.
You know how I loathe shopping, well it’s not so much the shopping I hate but the people. Yesterday I realised I could narrow this down even further, it’s the browsers* who ruin shopping for the rest of us. So I’ve devised a shopping system which will sort the rough from the smooth.
Firstly browsing should be banned and punishable by death.** You should have to state on entrance to the shop what exactly it is you are looking for. In yesterday’s case;
‘Hello There! Yes I would like a pair of trakkie bottoms for my 4 year old daughter. I want a pair that a) keep her legs warm, b) Are NOT boot cut at the bottom for these suck water half way up her legs c) Do NOT have something offensive like ‘BABE’ written across the backside, in fact they shouldn’t have ANYTHING written across the backside because Hello, she is four years old. And finally d) Dark colours please because anything else shows up the dirt.’
Fussy Moi?
Anyway here’s the best bit, all shops should work on a conveyor belt system, running at a set speed. Like shall we say 5mph? Anyway you are allowed on at the start after you have confirmed what it is you want. Then you have to grab the item on your way past, if you do not grab it in time then you have to go all the way round again. None of this prattling about, ‘Shall I shan’t I?’ whilst you hold everybody else up.
The conveyor belt system also works to our advantage at the checkout. Remember we are going round past the checkout at 5mph. If you have the item in your hand and the staff don’t get it together in time to take your money, then you get the item for free.
Ha! That would make the big companies speed up their chip and pin checking system.
So what do we think guys?
Genius or not?
(And to think I had a serious post planned about Nuclear Power. You see what NaNo does to you?)
*By Browsers I mean those who wander in a shop with absolutely no idea what they are shopping for.
** Of course I am against the death penalty for lesser crimes such as murder and paedophilia but have no objections for bringing it back for those who actually enjoy shopping.
Posted by purple elephant at November 27, 2005 10:55 PM