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October 17, 2005
Are you there God? It’s me, Purple Elephant.
Dear God,
I’ve been a good girl. I visited my Mother at the weekend because she wanted some help with something, I even did some babysitting this afternoon because I was needed and I guess at the end of the day being a good citizen is rather more important than one measly exam.
OK so I did go and see New Model Army last night but come on not even Jesus himself would have passed up that gig, had he not been otherwise engaged, if you see what I mean.
If all that wasn’t enough for you My Lord then I can do more good if you like. My particular party trick is turning pennies to whiskey, I can tell you now that I shall be performing that miracle on my way home from the exam tomorrow, whatever the outcome. Your son would be proud of me, for unlike some of those funny people who worship you we know that whiskey is not a sin. You gave us the materials and the knowledge with which to make the stuff and so therefore it comes straight from you, it is in fact the Holy Water itself. (The same method does not apply to alcopops however for they are the Devil’s spawn and taste like the same liquid we have the good sense to expel from our bladders.)
Now where was I? Oh yes I was wondering O’ Divine One if perhaps you could repay my good deeds by designing (I don’t say ‘fiddling’) tomorrow's exam in my favour. I don’t want to cheat Father for that would surely book me a seat on Bus 666. You know I have done the work, I’m simply asking that there will be one or two questions that I can use to demonstrate what I know well. That’s all.
If I still owe you a couple of good deeds after this then let me know and we will settle up.
For thine is the kingdom the power and the glory blah blah blah
Amen
Purple Elephant
Posted by purple elephant at October 17, 2005 09:25 PM