« My morning thus far, | Main | Purple Elephant's Corner; Woman of the Week. »
September 14, 2005
Would you trust your kids with this dodgy lot?
I know I’ve written many posts about children’s TV but they have mainly been from the why do they have to shout at/ patronise my kids viewpoint. Another reason I don’t get on too well with Children’s programmes is that my wannabe logical brain desperately tries to make sense of them all. Essentially I’m a realist.
1)The Tweenines;
What the hell are they supposed to be? I can’t match them up to any animal, I did think ‘horse’ once but then couldn’t place the colour of their faces. Neither are they human, well if my kid got skin that colour and a mouth that protruded I’d have her straight down the hospital. When they go out into the real world all the humans are ‘normal’, why don’t the Tweenies notice that they are not like everybody else? Also that must be the most expensive day-care in the world with it’s one carer: 2 kids ratio. Perhaps it’s a special daycare for ugly kids with funny colour skin and that would explain why there are only four of them.
2)While we are on the subject of people looking after kids, I’m sure I speak for other mothers when I say that there is absolutely no way I’d ever let someone so obviously senile as Miss Permanently-bad-hair-day Hoolie in Balamory care for my daughter. Littleone has been watching that programme ever since it started and still at the beginning Miss Hoolie looks dopily into the camera and says,
‘Hello. Who are you?’
‘Littleone!’
‘Ah Yes! That’s right. I remember’
No you obviously don’t though do you Dearie. The Balamory Nursing Home is at the top of the hill. Be off with you.
In real life wouldn’t the immensely irritating Josie Jump be diagnosed with hyperactivity? Just smoke some weed and slow down for Christ's sake and please Dear God change into something that doesn’t hurt my eyes.
3) Ever since she was a baby Littleone has absolutely adored Bear in the Big Blue House. I have to say as kids TV goes I quite like Bear. I like the way he looks at the camera, at us parents and rolls his eyes or makes the odd sarcastic comment. That doesn’t mean I understand what is going on there. How did they all get to be living in the Big Blue House? By the way they act they are all children, Tutter goes to school and Ojo was being potty trained the other day but they are all different species and none of them call Bear ‘Dad’ so they can’t be his progeny. It must be a foster care home for disturbed and abandoned small mammals, a kind of Pre-school Tracey Beaker with fur.
I do have a theory about Ojo though, she is at least a bear, so she could be Bear’s daughter. Now every few episodes we meet Ursa, Bear’s ‘friend’ from Spain. Every time she comes over she showers Ojo with gifts and Bear floods Ursa with torrents of affection. So what if Ojo was Bear and Ursa’s love child and there was some sad reason why Ursa has to live apart from her family.
Just a thought! But then there was a moment when I was convinced that Bear was sleeping with the moon, so perhaps I’m not the one to ask.
Isn’t it all a bit dodgy anyway? Run the name through your head for a moment ’Bear in the Big Blue House.' *Shudder* Just because he is cute and fluffy it doesn’t mean he’s fit to look after youngsters, if you don’t believe me just swap the words over a bit. How about ‘(Nameless) Man, in the Pebble-Dashed Council Semi.’
Just as willing to drop your babies at the door now?
Mind you, I don’t just do this with kid’s TV. If I ever get around to giving birth again there is absolutely no way I’m being taken to Holby City Hospital. Statistics guarantee that either me, my unborn child or my marriage will be at death’s door by the end of it. Boy am I not taking that risk.
Posted by purple elephant at September 14, 2005 11:00 AM