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July 30, 2005
Warning; Innocent young man with dark skin and rucksack on Underground.
Off to London for a couple of days. Essay not finished so it’s coming with me. Shall have to apologise to parents in law for my rudeness.
I’m actually less worried about being bombed to smithereens than I am about my other half being blasted several times in the head for the having the gall to be of Arabic descent and for carrying a rucksack on the Underground.
Mr PE assures me that most people seem to think he’s Portuguese, which is possibly even worse as the Metropolitan Police seem disturbingly unable to differentiate between those of Asian and South American descent.
As if Muslim bashing wasn’t bad enough, it seems that now if you are non-Caucasian you are a terrorist.
Posted by purple elephant at 08:39 AM |
July 29, 2005
Not at all sure about this one..
But then I am feeling humourless at the moment. Only took the test for procrastination purposes.
Via Feministe
Check out the extended entry;
| the Prankster |
CLEAN | COMPLEX | LIGHT Your humor has an intellectual, even conceptual slant to it. You're not pretentious, but neither are you into what some would call 'low humor'. You'd laugh at a good dirty joke, but you definitely prefer something clever to something moist. You probably like well-thought-out pranks and/or spoofs and it's highly likely you've tried one of these things yourself. In a lot of ways, yours is the most entertaining type of humor. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Conan O'Brian - Ashton Kutcher |
 |
My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
|
| Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on OkCupid Free Online Dating |
Posted by purple elephant at 08:29 AM |
July 28, 2005
Arthur Conan Doyle and property development (but not at the same time)
Did anyone see The Strange Case of Sherlock Holmes and Arthur Conan Doyle on BBC2 last night? Absolutely brilliant, don’t want to go on about it too much in case anyone hasn’t seen it yet for whatever reason. If you ever get it in the US it’s well worth a watch.
Right now I’m trying to analyse quite why Homes Under the Hammer (Weekdays BBC1 10am) appeals to me so much. I think maybe it’s because I seem to have a surprising flair for armchair property development. I seem to be able to predict which houses are going to do well and if you get it right there is a hell of a lot of money in it. Only problem is you need the funds to buy the property in the first place, money breeds money it seems.
DIY quite appeals to me, I think possibly because it satisfies the creative and the practical sides of my soul. I can’t help feeling that it must be really rewarding to buy an empty shell of a house and leave your own mark on it AND have somewhere nice to live at the end of it.
Sadly I’ve not really had a chance to get stuck into many home improvements. This place doesn’t really feel permanent enough for us to spend too much money on anything that is going to get left behind when we move, so the best we have done here is a lick of paint and a couple of shelves here and there. I do rest assured that although I will possibly be a bit dangerous with a drill, a saw or a hammer (stand back everyone) but I couldn’t possibly be as bad at DIY as the people who lived here before us. We have wonky curtain rails and shelves (spirit level anyone?) an inch gap in the MIDDLE of the bathroom floor (surely everyone knows you start laying flooring from the middle, and besides the gap shouldn’t be that big, not if you use a measuring implement) and their piece de la resistance, a bathroom lock that they attempted to screw in OVER the door handle.
I think possibly all that I’ve written above is complete rubbish and the REAL reason I can’t stop watching Homes Under the Hammer is because I’m secretly rather impressed with the word play in the title. All houses in the programme are sold at auction, under the hammer, but also they need a lot of work presumably a lot of hammering GEDDIT?! *Groan* I hope to God they paid someone at the Beeb a hell of a lot of money for coming up with that one, I really do.
Can you tell my brain is in summer holiday mode? A couple of sentences about Sherlock Holmes and three paragraphs about daytime TV.
Back to my viewing.
Hmmm nice seventies avocado bathroom suite.
Posted by purple elephant at 10:31 AM |
July 27, 2005
Writers’ group
Yay I did it! I finally took the plunge and turned up to the Cambridge Writers Long Prose group last night. There are so many members that in order to retain intimacy the group is spilt into two separate meeting places. There were seven of us last night and out of that three of us were new. (Blimey there certainly seems to be something in the air right now a hell of a lot of people I know seem to be trying to grab hold of their lives and follow their dreams. Coming to think of it all the newbies last night seemed to be roughly the same age as me, maybe it’s that familiar Shit!-I’m-thirtyish-and-what-the-hell-have-I-done-with-my-life? feeling.)
I didn’t read partly because I wanted to get a feel for what (and how much) everyone else was reading and partly because I haven’t got round to buying some printer cartridges yet.
The quality of writing was exceptional and the subjects were wide and varied, two futuristic stories, one set in the Spanish civil war, one in the first world war and another lady who was writing an autobiographical piece about her sister’s murder. I’m looking forward to hearing more from all of them. I would say the size was about right, any larger and we could have gone on all night, any smaller and it could have been awkward. Everyone was welcoming and friendly but also encouraging and helpful. As I have said I didn’t read but I did give a brief synopsis of my work in progress and everyone seemed interested in what I had to say.
It did make me think about what a difficult job agents and publishers have, what with more and more people writing good quality fiction it must be heartbreaking attempting to sort the rough from the smooth. For instance if I was presented with all the above extracts I really don’t know who would get the push. Not that publishing is an indicator of quality, I’ve read published work of a poorer quality than what I heard last night.
Posted by purple elephant at 10:32 AM |
July 25, 2005
The First Day of the Summer Holidays..
*stops banging head on computer desk for a second*
All you parents..
Go on, how many times have you heard the word, 'Maaaarrrrmeeeee' today?
Is it beginning to grate yet?
I just came downstairs from hanging the laundry up to find my daughter drinking from the ketchup bottle, it's pissing down with rain, children's TV seems at its poorest quality yet and I've got an essay due in a week today.
September; what a beautiful concept. Are we nearly there yet?
*goes back to banging head on computer desk*
Posted by purple elephant at 09:37 AM |
July 24, 2005
I've been tagged.
Sent by Michelle
Three things you like about yourself:
My stubbornness
My politics
My shoulders
Three physical things you don't like about yourself:
My feet (I tend not to like feet in general but mine are pretty ugly!)
My social skills (or lack thereof)
My hair (I’ve always wanted it to be curly and a perm has never taken)
Three things that scare you:
Heights (Guess who had a panic attack at the top of the helter skelter whilst her four year old waited patiently to slide down!)
The BNP (they were leafleting round here yesterday grrrr)
Cars
Three of your everyday essentials:
Coffee
Computer
Book
Three things you are wearing now:
Black skirt
Green ‘Celtic cycle’ t-shirt (was Mr’s but he doesn’t wear it so I nicked it)
Winnie the Pooh slippers.
Three of your favorite bands or musical artists:
New Model Army
Seize the Day
Kissmet (saw them at Larmer Tree Festival, they rock!)
Three things you want in a relationship:
Support
Conversation
Hugs
Two truths and a lie:
When I went skiing I wasn’t even good enough to join the beginners. So they had to start up a new sub-beginners class especially for me.
I once came close to dying from hay fever.
I have sat in the same chair as Maggie Thatcher although sadly not at the same time.
Three physical things that turn you on:
Mystery
Facial hair
Non-macho personality
Three of your favorite hobbies:
Reading
Writing
Blogging
Three things you really want to do right now:
Have a Sunday morning lie in
Eat chocolate
Make a start on the books I want to read rather than the ones I have to read.
Three careers you'd consider:
Writer
Something with animals. You know when you watch those wildlife programs and there is always someone who drives around in one of those safari vehicles tracking elephants and lions and stuff. Well one of them.
Failing that, owner of a second hand bookshop.
Three places you want to go on vacation:
Africa
India
Ireland
Three things you want to do before you die:
See above
Have something published (preferably a book but right now I’m not fussy)
Establish world peace (ambitious moi?)
Three people to pass it on to:
Kate
Jenn
Scone
and anyone else who wants to..
Posted by purple elephant at 10:00 AM |
July 22, 2005
*sniff sniff*
That was the sound of Purple Elephant finishing Harry Potter.
*sob* (again)
Posted by purple elephant at 01:43 PM |
July 21, 2005
Woe is me
If anyone asked me, what it is I most miss about those pre-parenting days of yore, I think apart from the obvious time issue, I would answer that I really miss not being able to do things on the spur of the moment.
On Tuesday Mr. PE's (childless) friend phoned to say that he was in the queue to get tickets for Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead at the Arts Theatre, a whole group of them were going on Thursday, should he get us a pair too? Mr. PE ended up agreeing to two tickets because he knew that even if I couldn't get a babysitter there would be a hundred and one other people willing to take my place instead.
So with little hope I contacted all the people on my babysitting list. It didn't take long, there were only two and both were busy on the night in question.
So almost before I had even declined my ticket there was already someone in the sidelines ready to take my place but it seems in my domestic role I'm not quite so dispensable.
I usually take this sort of thing with a pinch of salt as part of the parenting (or let's face it mothering) package but occasionally when I think I might enjoy the night in question as much (if not more)than those who are going then it begins to bother me. It is then that I start wondering if it would be incredibly bad of me to start on the only chocolates in the house, the ones that are supposed to be for Littleone to give to her teacher tomorrow on the last day of term. (Don't worry, the answer is an astounding YES!)
To top it all off I have had this painful throat for a week now, I'm not even sure it's getting any better. Perhaps I'm going to be ill forever and then I'd never be able to get out the house.
*sob*
Posted by purple elephant at 10:11 PM |
July 20, 2005
*enter swear word here*
Computers, you just get them fixed and then something else goes wrong. Why does this seem to happen to no one but me?
We were away for the weekend at the Larmer Tree Festival in Wiltshire where Littleone and I made friends with some peacocks. It was all rather nice and laid back, all except for the nasty bad throat I have had for almost a week now which is really beginning to get on my nerves.
Our little break meant that we didn't get a copy of The Half-Blood Prince 'til Monday and I drew the short straw, Mr. PE finished it at 5:30pm today and is shifting in his seat, desperately trying not to let anything on and I'm trying to speed through it so as to put the poor man out of his misery.
Posted by purple elephant at 08:28 PM |
July 10, 2005
My First Window Box..
I don’t know what to write about. I’ve presented my take on Thursday’s events. If I then go on to ignore what happened and post something witty and irreverent it still seems slightly inappropriate. But if I descend into navel gazing about my own life then that seems wrong when there are families still wondering if their loved ones are stuck in that tunnel somewhere below Kings Cross.
So suffice to say I’ve done some gardening. I’ve planted a window box on our balcony, a row of salad leaves, a row of Nasturtium for prettiness and a row of –er- something else. My Mum gave me some seed in a blank packet, she did tell me what it was but I think Littleone was demanding something at the time and it went in one ear and out the other. In fact to be honest it probably didn’t even go in at all. So that will be a nice surprise.She also gave me some herbs in pots and I've forgotten what they are too but at least I *know* you can eat them.
Now all I’ve got to do is remember to water the thing…
Hell if I’ve managed to drag up a child, a window box cannot be that hard, surely..
Posted by purple elephant at 07:44 PM |
July 09, 2005
The state of the world today.
I’ve had a couple of days to think about Thursday’s attacks. Mainly I have been trying to get in the minds of the killers and I don’t mean that I am refusing to try and understand how anyone could be so evil. That is the easy way out, to dismiss them as ‘sick’ or ‘brainwashed’ I can’t help thinking that to go to that much organisation, to risk one’s own life (whether it was a suicide bomber or not) there must be something more to it. What is it that makes people feel so desperate that they feel that violence and murder of innocents is the only way forward? And before we distance ourselves entirely from this sentiment, there is plenty of scope for the argument that Bush and Blair are working on the same lines with their ‘War on Terror.’
What upsets me is that there will be retaliation. There is now an excuse for Bush and Blair to step up their war and to invade any country that they tell us may be ‘harbouring terrorists.’ What is worse is that back down here on the ground we are already hearing stories of Muslims receiving death threats. Something tells me that now we have been attacked on our own soil that the numbers for the anti-war marches will start to dwindle because the threat of terrorism is now so much closer to home. Yet just as the commuters defiantly got back on those trains yesterday I will stand defiant in my stance against the occupation of Iraq, not because I think we should be giving in to terrorism but because we need to start facing the fact that we should never have been there in the first place.
I predict that from now on there will be a great turn around. If Tony Blair continues to handle this situation with what is generally viewed as dignity and defiance with just a little bit of vulnerability thrown in for good measure (I could hear the twang of the country’s heart strings as his voice cracked slightly in that first speech on Thursday) then I think he will be remembered for how 'well' he handled these attacks, rather than for the ducking, diving and fiddling that backed us into this corner in the first place.
So in consequence of Thursday’s attacks I see Britain’s support for the war rocketing, I see an increased backing of Tony Blair and I see it as an excuse for an endless stream of racist attacks both verbally and physically and for all the repercussions that will ensue.
In short I fear that the world just became a whole lot darker.
Posted by purple elephant at 10:02 AM |
July 07, 2005
From Elation to Tragedy in 24 Hours
Not a lot I can say right now about what is going on in London. I have managed to round up most friends and family who may have been in the area.
I hope you all are OK.
Posted by purple elephant at 06:09 PM |
July 06, 2005
The future of protest
This G8 thing has got me thinking about two points.
1) I cannot understand how those with far-right selfish global warming denying attitudes like George Bush can call themselves Christian. Or did I just miss the eleventh commandment that said. ‘Thou must put thy economy before those in need.’
2) I am finding myself irritated by protesters at both ends of the spectrum. Chucking hard objects at the police may make that one copper history but whichever way you look at it, it is not going to end world poverty. Don’t get me wrong, in my time I have seen how corrupt they can be, I’ve had a copper cover his number and thump me in the back for no obvious reason, I’ve seen them drag a protester (who was begging to be allowed to stand and walk to the police van) across some hard concrete until his clothes ripped. But retaliation is just what they are trying to provoke in us. Show them how it’s done by remaining peaceful.
However I’m equally irritated by Sir Bob who stood there amongst those queuing for the next Live 8 instalment in Edinburgh saying that these were ‘real people’ who cared more than those who were out blockading etc. Like I said the other day, I’m not really sure how standing there clapping along to Coldplay (they must be good because Radio 1 said they were good) ever changed anything.
Where do I fall? I’ve been on legal demonstrations where you walk along waving banners chanting something catchy about George Bush and Tony Blair being not very nice but to be honest I’m not really sure how demos work except to make me feel good because here are a load of people who agree with me. Like I’ve said I can’t agree to harming living beings, however nasty that human might be. Damaging property is different, especially if it is properly directed (disabling Jet Fighters springs to mind) Also today I have seen protesters peacefully sitting down and blocking the roads into Gleneagles. This is all great.
I suppose this is why I have an affinity with the Greenham Common women. Somehow they always got it right, they didn’t mind breaking the law just so long as it was done peacefully.
Yet despite all this I think the most effective protest is when we all dip into our pockets and use our consumer choice. I was just wondering what would happen if all those people gathered in Edinburgh refused to buy anything unless it was fair trade. What if every last one of us who wanted to ‘make poverty history’ descended on the supermarket and left El-Cheapo brand coffee on the shelf and bought Café Direct instead. What if we stopped buying our kids Cadburys and Nestle (ugh don’t even go there) and treated them to a nice bar of Green and Blacks chocolate? With global warming the list is even longer but I’m sure you can think of examples yourself. Yes it’s expensive but if you tried it for a week I bet your bank account wouldn’t be quite so empty as you expected. Failing that pick just one (like coffee) and vow to switch to fair trade on that one item. It all helps.
I’m of the opinion that this is where the future of protest should be.
Posted by purple elephant at 08:49 PM |
July 05, 2005
Small steps
Just got back from my first Cambridge Writers meeting. This evening Isobel Dixon from the Blake Friedmann Literary Agency spoke on how to get published. A very inspiring talk but the number of people that turned up to listen in Cambridge on a rainy weekday evening made me feel like a tiny fish in an enormous ocean.
They have two types of meeting firstly like tonight, monthly talks by those in the biz and secondly meetings where you take along a piece of work to read out (ugh!) and hopefully end up with some constructive criticism from everybody else. This is something that I could really use but you know me and my fear of speaking in public! However I did have a little trick up my sleeve to make sure I do attend in future, I parted with an £18 membership fee because there’s only one thing that puts the fear of God in me more than having to read my work to a roomload of strangers and that is wasting good money.
Posted by purple elephant at 11:15 PM |
July 04, 2005
The Good Old Days
I always remember my Grandmother wistfully coming out with such lines as; 'It seems like a different world from when we were young.'
I have to admit that as a teenager I used to tut and think, 'Get over it love.'
Funnily enough I now find myself coming out with similar lines and Im not even 30 yet.
I got this email this morning and found myself nodding along!
******************
Just for a minute, forget everything stressful and read this........
all the way to the bottom........
Close your eyes and go back in time...
Before the Internet or the Apple Mac.
Before semi-automatics, joyriders and crack....
Before SEGA or Super Nintendo...
Way back........
I'm talking about Hide and Seek in the park.
The corner shop.
Hopscotch.
Butterscotch.
Skipping.
Handstands.
Football with an old can.
Fingerbob.
Beano, Dandy, Buster, Twinkle and Dennis the menace.
Roly Poly.
Hula Hoops,
The smell of the sun and fresh cut grass.
Bazooka Joe bubble gum.
An ice cream cone on a warm summer night from the van that plays a
tune
Chocolate or vanilla or strawberry or maybe Neapolitan or perhaps a
screwball
Watching Saturday morning cartoons....short commercials, The Double
Deckers, Road Runner, He-Man, Zeebedee Tiswas or Swapshop?, and 'Why
Don't You'? or staying up for Doctor Who.
When around the corner seemed far away and going into town seemed like going somewhere.
Earwigs, wasps, stinging nettles and bee stings.
Sticky fingers.
Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, and Zorro.
Climbing trees.
Walking to school, no matter what the weather.
Running till you were out of breath and getting a stitch, laughing so hard that your stomach hurt.
Jumping on the bed.
Pillow fights.
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for
giggles.
Being tired from playing....remember that?
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon
Playing cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
Choppers and Grifters
I'm not finished just yet.....
Eating raw jelly. Orange squash ice pops.
Remember when...
There were two types of trainers - girls and boys, and Dunlop Green
Flash - and the only time you wore them at school was for P.E.
You knew everyone in your street - and so did your parents.
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.
You didn't sleep a wink on Christmas eve.
When nobody owned a pure-bred dog.
When 25p was decent pocket money
When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.
When nearly everyone's mum was at home when the kids Got there.
When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at
a real restaurant with your parents.
When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to
carry groceries and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.
When being sent to the head's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because of
drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs etc. parents and grandparents were a
much bigger threat! - and some of us are still afraid of them!!
Remember when....
Decisions were made by going " Ip Dip Dog Shit "
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly".
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was germs. And
the worst thing in your day was having to sit next to one.
It was unbelievable that 'British Bulldog 123' wasn't an Olympic
event.
Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a catapult.
Nobody was prettier than Mum.
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
Taking drugs meant orange-flavoured chewable aspirin.
Ice cream was considered a basic food group
Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true
Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest
protectors
If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED.
Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up"
life...
I DOUBLE-DARE YOU
Posted by purple elephant at 01:11 PM |
July 03, 2005
Live 8
I had a whole Live 8 entry in my head. It was something about how I love Bob Geldof and I think his heart is in the right place and that he has been slightly unfairly represented in the press. But I can't help but to feel niggled by rich rock stars who don't usually get involved in this sort of thing telling me to give money when they could probably end it all with the right signal to their bank managers.
Oh but wait it wasn't about money this time it was about 'awareness'and too be honest I'm not even sure where that was coming from either. I really want to belieive that every last one of those rock stars and the audiences really cared but I can't help thinking that if they really felt the injustice from the pit of their stomachs then they would all have got together by now and really done something. (Don't ask me what. I'm still working on that one.)
Oh and there was something slightly nauseating about Mariah (biggest entourage in the world ever) Carey slinging her arms around members of the token last minute thrown together African Kid Choir.
I don't feel particularly proud of myself for thinking all that. I really wish I had woken up this morning and felt the world a better place but I don't. (If you can tell me what Live 8 was *for* without using the vague concept of 'awareness' then please convince me in the comments.)
All that aside. I just want to say that I think I made a mistake in not accepting Morten Harket's hand in marriage when I was 10.
That man ages well.
Posted by purple elephant at 07:47 AM |
July 02, 2005
The Water Appreciation Campaign
Nursery performed their first assembly yesterday and parents were allowed to go and watch. Much to Littleone’s delight it was about fire-fighters. She wasn’t given any words to say but she had to stand up and sit down at the right time during the song Five Little Firemen Standing in a Row. I’m proud to say she couldn’t have sat down and stood up more perfectly.
Of course this means that she has been going around the house singing London’s Burning, except she thinks that the words to the last line are ‘Poor old water.’ The thing is, she is such a drama queen and she sings the lines with such tragedy and pathos that now I actually feel sorry for the water.
I mean here we are praising the fire-fighters, campaigning that they should get a proper wage when all the time it’s the water that really puts the fire out. Do we ever stop to thank it? What about those boiling hot sweltering days a week ago? – all that water we drank without really stopping to think how it was preventing our dehydration and therefore our death? Do you know I think my daughter is right. Poor old water indeed.
Oh my goodness! If this is what 24 hours alone with a four year old have done to me then I dread to think how I’m going to fare for the rest of the week.
Posted by purple elephant at 08:14 AM |
July 01, 2005
Home Alone
Today Mr PE went up to Edinburgh for the G8 protests, so I am single parenting for a week. I would have liked to go with him but it was all a bit up in the air and I didn’t know what it would be like for kids up there etc. So guess who stayed home?
Which reminds me I saw a postcard in Oxfam Books the other day, it said something like
I wanted to go out and change the world but I couldn’t find a babysitter.
Next time I’m in the town centre I might treat myself as a consolation prize.
I’m quite ambivalent about all this. At first I quietly felt rather excited about it. I kept thinking that it might be easier to sort out a bedtime routine for Littleone with it being just the two of us. I could get her in bed early and then I’ll have a whole evening to eat what I like when I like; read the entire bookshelf – twice; write the next essay on my course even though it’s not due in until the beginning of August; oh and there is the small matter of that novel I’m writing.
But it was a bit weird watching him disappear down the road this morning, knowing I’m not going to see him for a whole week. He’s not even going to be easily contactable as his phone will be turned off a lot of the time, so the battery can last out. Who am I going to share a (semi) intelligent conversation with? I mean I love my daughter but I do like to feel just a little more challenged than ‘Which teddy shall we take to bed tonight?’ I think this is where you lot may come in.
Also (and I know this is really dappy) but I don’t like going to bed knowing that no one else is in the house. I’ve got a thing about intruders. (This only started when I read In Cold Blood about 10 years ago. I’m not sure why this fear goes away when someone is with me. It’s not as if having the family around helped the Clutters at all) When I’m on my own I always make sure I have on my bedside table, the house phone, my mobile and a can of furniture polish (I read something about spraying hairspray into an intruder’s eyes, it gives you time to get away without doing much permanent damage. I don’t use the stuff so furniture polish is the nearest thing I’ve got) I also can’t help thinking what would occur in the admittedly highly unlikely event of something happening to me in my sleep. What if I didn’t wake up? Would Littleone know what to do? If not how long before anyone noticed something was up?
I bet all you permanently single parents are laughing at me right now!
Please tell me that you are all this paranoid.
Nope? Just me then.
Posted by purple elephant at 06:37 PM |