In an attempt to get the kids to do something besides play video games, watch TV and drive me over the edge now that arctic-type temps have taken over and apparently outdoor play is not nearly as appealing, we have come up with a new game.

My attempts at "Why don't you go draw something, paint something, write something" have been met with sighing and eye-rolling. Because moms are dumb, slow creatures who know nothing of the real world of kids. We were, of course, born old, never experiencing the glee of knowing everything and ever-so-much more than all adults.

So I started the prompt box this morning. I cut billions and billions of scraps of paper (ok, maybe 75-100, but it really felt like billions) and folded the colored little strips in half. On each piece I wrote one word. I put them in a little box with a lid that we shake, shake, shake. The monsters boys then choose three glorious and brilliant words from the box. They look them over carefully deciding in a poker-like manner if they would like to trade one in, knowing that they will be stuck with the new choice.

From there it is just like mad-libs with crayons or paints or Microsoft Word. The idea is to use the words to create something. If they want to make it more interesting they may add more ideas to the list but they must use what they draw.

They are having lots of fun creating and almost as much fun thinking of words to add to the box. I am enjoying a few bicker free hours.

Just a few of the words so far:

Overheard tonight while I was sending a mopey, sick C to my room to snuggle up in my bed:

"What's with him getting to sleep in there?! I'm the special needs kid! I have chronic stuff and ADD and...."

"You're a chronic pain in the ass."

Yup, it's the holiday season. Peace on earth and all that.

C was complaining of mysterious ailments that caused me to think he had a case of can-i-stay-home-itis. But a 9yr old doesn't go to bed voluntarily at 6:30 just to get out of school the next morning.

Looks like I have company tomorrow.

I have Decemberists tickets for Wednesday.

Good news you say? Well, yes. I am excited and Sparky is being a good sport. But we don't have a sitter. Family lives to far to have them do it during the week and in-laws? Don't get me started.

I know a few people with kids old enough to sit but they aren't old enough that it isn't awkward for J (he's 12). If we were going to be local I would consider leaving him in charge but we are trucking into Philly so I'm not comfortable being so far away and knowing that we would be home late.

I brought up bringing them with us, inspired by Scrivener's recent success but the boys don't seem overly interested and I don't want to spend the night feeling as if I force fed everyone fun.

"We'll have f-ing fun even if it kills us!!!"

You get the idea. So now my happy little tickets seem more like stress and I am a bit bummed.

The Decemberists are playing in the background as I write (the mp3 player not a private concert that would make all this a moot point) and I am sorting it out.

on edit: Woot! My mom has agreed to watch the guys in exchange for many, many errands and favors to be determined later. A steep price, yes, especially if you know what these could be, but Sparky and I get a night out in Philly.

What a better way to enjoy a Fall evening than the traditional Halloween-time viewing of Young Frankenstein?

And my boys make me so proud. They laugh ahead of time because they know this movie by heart and count it as one of the funniest movies ever. J is lying on the couch chuckling along to the classics.

So what's your favorite YF quote?** What? You don't have it memorized? Ok, which movie can you quote by heart?

It's possible.

A few more nights like this and someone isn't going to make it out alive. I'm not saying who or anything--you know, just in case this is eventually used for evidence.

J is a reader. He will happily crash in a big comfy chair with a good book and pass a few hours. C likes to be read to but has to be reminded to read. His school requires 20 minutes of reading a night but other than that he is more happy on his skateboard or at the ballfield.

This morning, with a house full of sickies, I peeked in J's room to find him reading scary stories--perfect for the season. Then I peeked in C's room and guess what I found? C, all curled up under a blanket reading Baseball: An Illustrated History - Ken Burns. I just quietly closed the door and tiptoed away. Who am I to interrupt reading?

I did put on the tea kettle so I can curl up with a nice warm cuppa and finish Jane Eyre.

A rainy morning of reading all around. Almost worth having this cold. Almost.

So much for the good day we were having.

Homework battles. I am so f-ing sick of homework battles. J has announced that we should tell him what the punishment for not doing homework would be so he can make a decision whether or not it's worth it.

Grrrrrrrr.

C forgot his entire folder and is sobbing that he will miss lunch tomorrow to catch up.

We are now enjoying a period of J screetching how much he hates us and how all his problems are our fault. I swear there are days when I feel like getting in the car and just driving.

It's raining. Miserable, soggy, no sending them outside rain. And we had a "sleepover" here last night. I have no idea why they call it that because two nine year old boys do not sleep. There is no sleeping. And when one does? The other hits him with various things until they are both awake again.

This means no sleeping for the adults. Well, Sparky slept. But I did say the adults so I guess...

But what are we going to do this morning? My plan of tiring them out taking them to the skatepark is shot to hell. No bikes. No boards. No park. Boys. Inside. And the sound of the Pokemon game looping over and over and over.

Also, very disturbing. I dreamed that T-Bag from Prison Break broke into my house. He just pushed the deadbolt back and came in. The police wouldn't help. Sparky wouldn't get off the computer. Ewwww. T-Bag.

***rainy baseball update*****

Three baseball games today. Three. At least they are home and we aren't travelling an hour. My parents are coming down to see him play which is fun because they live far enough away that they don't get to see him that often. Now I hope that he doesn't get frustrated and he realizes that it's ok to be tired on a long day.

He's starting pitcher for the first game which he loves but which make my stomach wish I hadn't opted for the breakfast sandwich this morning. Then he is going to catch for about 10 innings. (6 inning games at this age)

Somewhere in the middle of the doubleheader I have to put down the scorebook, grab some lunch and set out on a quest with J to capture some elusive Pokemon at the local toy store. There's a promotion where they can bring in their games and get a very rare guy. Since we will be spending all day at the fields we thought it was only fair to do this for J. I'm sure it won't be stressful.....

The basement is coming along--dumpster is almost full. But we found mold in the crawlspace. Icky, nasty, mold. And the crawlspace? It's right under my bed. Maybe that's what made me crazy? Maybe it's just the mold?

So happy that it is crisp and clear and we get to spend the day outside. Fall makes me a little more happy and a little less crazy. It's something.

I am so damn sick of the bedtime battles, of the "I can't"s and "I don't wanna"s.

Oh please, oh please, someone be mean and cruel and tell me that I have to go to bed on time and if I'm not tired I can just quietly read for a while. Please someone be that awful to me.

Holy shit kid. Go to bed. Your own bed. And stop. calling. me.

The battle of the homework....round 1.

ding ding

or creative, or unique or to have a personality that in any way differs from the others or makes it challenging or exciting to teach a class.

Everything in C's class is so regulated--the color of his notebooks (solid color 70 page wide ruled notebooks only), the style of his folders (solid color, laminated folders. no pictures at all) the style of pencil (dixon ticonderoga #2 pencils only), the type and color of composition books. It doesn't allow for them to express themselves at all. I am sure that art projects will be mimicry instead of free expression as well. Would it kill her if he kept his math homework in a Mets' folder? Would his ability to do long division be hampered in any way? What if he dares to put a sticker on a notebook? What if he doodles?

Obviously, we went to a "How to Organize the Classroom" conference and since she is also a mindless drone, she sucked up every tip and plans to enforce it. Think for yourself sweetheart. It's fun. You should try it.

I know this makes it easier for the teacher but if she's a good teacher she should be engaging them and teaching them organizational and study skills without dulling them into tiny little clones who only "learn" to get through the day.

And she doesn't allow juice in the room. Ok, fine, I guess. No juice with snack. Water only. But today I sent flavored water and she made him bring it back home. Plain water in a standard size plastic bottle only. Puhlease.

Oh, sweetheart, we are going to have a fun year aren't we?

I am going to have to think of fun things to keep C interested in reading and learning around here so he doesn't just flip out and squeeze a flavored water on the woman. So far he likes her. Me? I am reserving judgment and bringing juice to the open house ;) I'm crazy like that.

"Hi bud! How was your day? Do you like your teacher? Did you see your friends? Do you have anyone you know in your class?"

"Um. Good. Yeah. Can I go to the dead end and ride my board?"

Sure. Don't tell me. Throw me overboard for the cool kids. Just see what you get in your lunch tomorrow! Ha!

c first day 06
Originally uploaded by ya Gotta Believe.

You know what this calls for??

You know it isn't a good sign when C slinks up the stairs for a pair of shoes and Sparky meanders to the broom closet to just "sweep up some little something."

Uh huh. Broken glass. And you know it was mine. They never break their own crap.

can I have him back please???

If you've been reading here for a little bit you know that the bus is always an adventure.** Happily, yesterday went smoothly. So this morning I was surprised to see a new busdriver. But, hey, I figure they are still working out the kinks in the new school schedule.

I asked the bus driver if she was new. She said yes and looked a little puzzled. She said she thought there wasn't school today. J gave me the "I told you so" look since he had mentioned it the night before. Always the brilliant mom, I called the school. Oh yes, they are very open.

So we confirm information. J? Yup. This address? Yup. And off he goes for a fun day of school.

And then.....the bus shows up. You know, the one from yesterday. I run down the driveway and tell the driver he's already been picked up. Only now we don't know where that bus is taking him. No idea. It isn't to his school. We are thinking that it is to the township school.

Thankfully we bought him that cell phone!!! Now we just wait to hear from someone, anyone.

Where is my kid??????

on edit: Ok, an hour later he is at the school but we are still unsure what happened, why two bus different bus companies think they are contracted to pick him up and who, if anyone, will be taking him home. So glad to be back to normal with the bus companies!

I am as big a baseball fan as anyone out there (yes, I know--duh!) but we were pretty sure that there would be no game tomorrow. After all, it has been raining cats and dogs for two straight days.

Latest update? Back to back games tomorrow morning. We have to be at the fields at 9:00 and the fields are 45 minutes away.

It is going to be a mudfest and I am crabby and want to sleep in. One game at 10 and one at noon. Know how many players we have for tomorrow? Nine! That means none of them get an inning off and since the games are two hours long it also means that they don't get a break between games.

I am just going to whine about this for a few more minutes and then head off to bed.

We have been looking for something that J could do--something that would be specifically for him since C gets to spend a lot of time with baseball, drum lessons, skateboarding, etc. It can be a little difficult to find a great fit for J because of his needs. For example, large groups are out, camps are out.

So we decided to get him art lessons. He is bright and creative and loves to draw, paint, sculpt, etc. Sparky could obviously handle art lessons. He is very talented. But taking lessons from your dad is too much like listening to your parents and would probably go the way of piano lessons from mom--a complete disaster resulting in tears and foot stomping.

Lucky for us a good friend of ours is also an artist and agreed to take on Jake as a student. They are sitting right now at the table creating monsters and creatures and morphing my poor Roxie into a three headed, winged hydra. Thankfully it's only on paper and we are not conducting science experiments as of yet!

He is having a great time and getting to indulge that imagination of his. So far. So good.

Open house for C this morning. He is starting in the intermediate school (four elementary school combine at this level).

I am looking at the clock.

"Self," I'm thinking. "Aren't you supposed to do something today? I wonder what time that Open House is?"

Of course, I wondered this at 12:15 and by 12:17 I realized that I had missed our 9am session. Damn my last name with its early in the alphabet letter!!

...why some animals eat their young.

C got dropped off this morning at baseball camp--just half days for a week. He looked a little quiet and reserved until he saw another little guy standing with his head down, shuffling his feet in the dirt.

C looked at me, grinned, grabbed a ball and his glove and trotted over. They didn't need to introduce themselves or go through any of that awkward small talk that adults do. C just held up the ball, waggled it in the air and the other guy started to smile and held up his glove. That was it.

I waved goodbye, not that he would notice, and smiled that this year C is the one going out of his way to make the little guys feel welcome. What a difference one year has made.

I wish I had 1/10 of the kid's social skills.

I'm working on a post about school choices, job choices and the poll on whether or not "you are what you do." Right now though I am just avoiding the to-do list, watching movies with J and waiting to go and get my little guy from camp.

During this redecorating/cleaning process the boys each got new bookshelves. Since I have been wanting to sort through their books for a while now to make space, this worked out well

As we sat sifting through the books, I fought my urge to tell them which ones to keep and which to donate. These are, after all, their books. But once in a while, I just had to silently retrieve a book or two from the donate pile.

I have so many memories tied into some of those books. I know that they have outgrown them and that they aren't going to curl up on my lap with their little baby shampooed heads and let me read to them about puppies or trains or The Fat Cat? I may just sit down with a cup of tea and read it myself. You know, after I get through the stress of the next few days. Hottentot and Skolinkenlot hitting the donate bin? I think not!

I also rescued The Monster at the End of this Book because it is one of my favorites for reading to little guys and I still have a few little people stopping in now and then ;) Anyone wanna come over for a good book?

In the end we said goodbye to three big boxes of books. We'll donate them so that someone else can make some memories.

We went to McD's for lunch this afternoon--the usual "if you behave during errands and I don't have to kill you" kind of bribe--and no one ordered a kids' meal.

Nope. No toy surprises today. *sniff*

C did however create his own soda at the fountain. A blend of root beer, orange, ice tea and sprite. He said, "It starts off like root beer but finishes, surprisingly, with the taste of coke."

There you have it. Nostalgia and a food review all wrapped up in one tidy little blog post.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, the asian salad at McD's is just plain nasty. (A bonus review for those not planning on attempting the soda blend.)

comments still not working (help??!!) email me

He cried. Lots of big, tears. Not a good sign for trying out with the "big guys."

It's hard for us to watch him do that but we don't seem to know how to help him shake things off easier. I think that that might have been it for his chances for the 9s and I hate that it was those tears and not his ability to play that might be the thing that tips the scales.

He just had a rough start at the plate and crumbled.

He was just wound too tight and takes things too hard. He's like his mom...and it makes his dad crazy.

Welcome to Stressville with stops at Walking on Eggshells and Pretend Cheery Voices.

And you have to love baseball nights, "Hurry up and eat your dinner so you can go to bed!"

Did I mention he chose drums???

Did I mention he doesn't care for the silencing practice pad?

Did I mention he can be a little obsessive about new things?

Just checking...

Today was the day I have been waiting for since the little tikes were born. We went to the music store to sign the rental contracts. Band instruments!! What would it be? The melodious french horn? A jazzy saxophone? NOPE.

I am doomed to the drums! C is thrilled and J is wishing we had a much bigger house. (J is considering the baritone so I think they will be even soon.)

But the quote of the day? I was telling them how playing music makes you smarter. You do better on tests, etc. (For example, Mom is a genius, right?)

C: So music is like steroids for your brain, right? But the cops can't get you in trouble!
J: Yeah, and it isn't bad for you so you don't get hairy and your guys don't shrink.

me:........

Damn bus aide is at it again. The bus with the camera on it is broken (someone smashed a window. Perhaps someone familiar with the driver/aide??) so J is again being taunted and hurt and when he asks the aide to handle it she responds, "That's not my job any more. That's the camera's job. Guess you should have thought of that."

I started the fun phone call rounds this morning and J and I are going to go summer clothes shopping and clean the house. I am sure he's thrilled.

On a brighter note, the dufus that works for Sparky is here today and my house is getting painted. Woohoo! Now keep your fingers crossed for sunshine so we can have a snazzy new paintjob and a baseball playoff game later.

Hot, after game, sweaty boys with smeary eyeblack and ground in clay and brand new white bathroom towels.

Ah hell, boys and white towels in general are pretty unmix-y!

You know what other things are unmix-y?

Arrogant, unsportsmanlike, a-hole coaches and moms. C's team was taking quite a beating in their first playoff game last night and after finishing the bottom of the 4th (and scoring another 4 runs) the opposing team (home team) decided that we needn't play the top of the 5th since it was getting late.

What? We still had plenty of light, fifteen minutes, and you don't go back out there as the home team with a 10+ run lead if you aren't going to allow these kids another shot--especially when it is one of their last games of the season. BS. C was out at the plate, eye black running down his face in sweaty streams, waiting for his chance to get even and we had to bring him back in and tell them to line up like good sports and shake hands.

Good sports? They are lucky there were kids around.

Smile and wave boys. Just smile and wave.

J: "Mom. Can we run to Great Adventure really quick this morning? We could get there early, ride the good stuff and leave before all the crazy, church people get there."

He means we could beat the crowds but he's my kid!

The county transportation department says that the school needs to be responsible for discipline of the kids.

The school says that they are not responsible for transportation.

Transportation says that they are only responsible for providing safe transportation that the driver and aide have (get this) "no training in special needs children. they just do their jobs." Uh, hello, their job is to drive. special needs kids!!!

The school says there is nothing they can do.

The county says that they are looking into it but can't really just take J's word for it. They will question the driver and aide again seperately. Yeah, 'cause I am sure she is going to 'fess up and lose her job.

I am not putting J back on that bus--especially now that we have filed all these reports. I am sure that the idiots who were already taunting him will be so much kinder now that they have been investigated and warned. Dontcha think?

Well, good thing gas is cheap...

on edit: Just got off the phone--again--with the county and they informed me that the driver says the aide makes all the happy little children wear their seat belts and sit quietly and no one ever runs around or taunts one another. Oh, and that she would never call J gay. Uh-huh. Even ignorant people know they would lose their jobs if they said "I don't give a damn what them kids do as long as they don't bother me when I am reading the Star and talkin' on my cell phone. I told that little gay one to just shut his damn mouth and stop bein' a crybaby." There you have it. Problem solved. The driver says they do everything right bu the rules.

and I am off to fight the big battle.

Then I race back home to see if I can finish two papers or if I will be kicked out of the grad program.

You know. No stress.

I am not by nature litigious. But taunting a 12 year old by calling him gay? You better run for fucking cover.

I have blogged here numerous times about J and all the trouble we had with the bus last year. It was a constant source of stress. (For those who don't know, and since I am way too aggravated to link to the archives, J goes to a special school for children with emotional problems. Good school, but it requires an hour bus ride each way)

So far this year we had had relatively little trouble on the bus. Until now.

This afternoon I got a bus conduct report in the mail for an incident Tuesday afternoon. He was written up for refusing to move his seat and because "He is constantly complaining about the other kids/ She's sick of it."

I called the school to find out what that was about. A conduct report because she's "sick of it (him)"? Sorry. Not ok.

Then J got off the bus hysterical. I couldn't calm him down for a good long while. The other kids were throwing things at him, poking him, generally teasing him and when he told the bus driver and aide they told him he was a crybaby. That would have been enough to make me crazy but it didn't stop there.

The bus driver and the aide joined the other two boys in taunting J. They said "You're gay. Just admit it. You don't like giirrrrllls. Just tell us. Everyone already knows."

They went on to make fun of him personally picking on his clothes, calling him dirty and telling him that he smelled.

So far I have contacted the school, the bus company, the board of education and the county. I can't begin to describe how angry I am.

I don't care what he did (and he did react by lashing out and calling her a bitch) they are under no circumstances to taunt my child and/or call. him. gay. What the fuck is that about? What kind of fucking people are they??

I am driving him in on Monday and then this is going to be settled. Luckily, he had met with his principal on Tuesday and told him that he was being teased. He is not innocent in this. He can be a handful. But there is absolutely no excuse for what happened. None at all.

on edit: The head of the county education department has been very helpful. The bus driver turned in her report and, while it doesn't include what we reported, it doesn't in any way contradict it either. Also, the bus driver said that J got very upset because the kids were making fun of gay people and he told them to stop because it was mean to make fun of people for who they love. I feel bad for J but I am proud of him for not joining in that kind of fuckwitted junior bigot club

We are watching TLC's Honey, We're Killing the Kids.

The boys are appropriately terrified.

I am finishing Easter Candy. lol.

Ok, ok, seriously, we are going to start eating better. Please don't send the scary lady to my house, 'k?

I managed to ship C out with a buddy for an afternoon of climbing through tubes and ballpits. Sparky and I thought it would be a good opportunity to spend some time with J since he kind of gets the short end of the stick during baseball season.

We decided to let him pick a movie that C wouldn't be allowed to see--kind of a "big kid" movie day--and we even compromised and let him pick Scary Movie 4 (do I need to post a review? I thought not...)

But it went downhill from there. He lost his shoes. I know that sounds small but he only has one pair of slip-on shoes and refuses to learn to tie. Cue meltdown #1. After the shoe incident there were at least three other meltdowns between home and the movies--a ten minute trip. Sparky and I were ready to give up and go home but we were still trying to make this a day for J.

The movie went well but home was a disaster. Fighting, screaming, cursing, door slamming, threats, sobbing--an all around mess. Sparky and I are at our wits end. At this point J is as big as I am. When he was younger and his tantrums got frightening we could carry him to his room so he could calm down. I can't do that any more. His meds have been adjusted and readjusted. He manipulates therapists so that option has been pointless.

I just sat on the couch with my head in my hands and wondered "why me?" I know that there are people who have it much worse. I really do. But I wonder what is going to happen to J. He is already in a special school and will most likely stay there throughout HS. But what then? What kind of job? Will he ever make friends? He is 12 years old and doesn't have even one friend that he can call to come over and play. It makes me cry. I think of the friends I had when I was 12. I still talk to some of them today--many, many years past 12.

We have tried Doctors and therapists and behavior mod. programs and trends and diets and strict schedules and flexible routines--things aren't getting better. There are times when I am afraid that he could hurt his brother during a meltdown. And yes, he is genuinely remorseful afterwards but that doesn't help during.

I love this kid. He is bright and funny and caring but he needs to realize that things aren't going to change without a lot of work and I don't know when he will see that. Telling him makes no difference.

I worry about his future, his health and wish that I could do something, just something, to make things better. I just can't seem to do it.

So I sit sometimes and wonder "why me" and other times I wish I could just shoulder all this for him and I wonder "why not me?" Why does this poor kid have to deal with all of this? Why can't he just be an average, happy kid playing outside with his friends? Why is he lying in his room wishing that he wasn't born? Why can't I make that better?

We had a great trip--lots of touristy sightseeing and sunshine. I will write more and post lots of fun pictures but there are still a few hours left of J's b-day to spend spoiling him a bit.

I can't believe that he is 12. I look at him sometimes and can't believe he is my same little guy.

I love that he is so much my kid. When we got him his new mp3 player the first thing he asked for was a John Williams CD so he could have the Star Wars soundtrack. And then--he asked for the milkshake song so he could play it and make dad do "that crazy dance he does!"

I love that instead of a big kids party he wanted to spend the weekend in DC with his family (including his pups!).

He is happily playing his new game after a fun day of monuments, movies and a munchkin cake (dunkin donuts!).

I am off to snug him and try and stretch his birthday out 'til the very last second.

Happy Birthday Buddy!!

I have two kids home sick today. One is really sick, I knew for a few days that he was fighting something.

The other....hmmm....maybe sick, maybe not but I think it may also be a severe case of math-itis.

Both have sore throats,crabbiness and a general inability to speak without attitude this morning. Is there a prescription for that?

he's cured!

c woke up this morning working the fake cough/sore throat to get out of school. we went through the motions--took his temp, etc. (nothing)

then i told him that we were setting up a pick-up game for all his buddies after school so they could get together and play a little baseball.

he is suddenly feeling much better and thinks he can make it to school.

amazing!

school mornings. school mornings with yelling, whining, stomping and crying.

(and sometimes the boys are bad also!)

the kids are quietly sobbing on the couch while the puppy tries to lick their faces and apologize.

how was she to know that the little black chew toy on the floor in c's room was actually the audio/video cable for the playstation?

yes, yes, of course i am relieved to be back online and i am sure i have something witty to say about that (like why can't i access imdb via telepathy? i really, really needed to know who that guy was!) but for now i was just thinking about my kids.

it may have come to everyone's attention that i am not mom-of-the-year. don't do mini-vans, i can't stomach the whole pta fiasco, i don't own even one holiday themed sweater, i banned barney (told them dinosaurs are all extinct, and my blog has often provided proof of my lack of parenting skills.

seriously though, i do the best i can. i don't agree with many of the "experts" and i know my kids. i know when they need to be independent and when they need a little help. movie ratings are guidelines because i know what i feel my kids can handle. they aren't another species--they are people. i am not a kid person. kids in herds frighten me. but i like my kids (most days!).

anyway, enough rambling. i was shopping for bubbles this afternoon because that's what you do on the first day of spring--you blow bubbles--and i saw a gajillion moms talking to kids in shopping carts.

i thought, "i won't ever have a kid in a cart again. mine are too big now." and believe it or not, i got a little sad.

don't get me wrong. i can't even imagine how i got through the toddler stages the first time and i would rather jab hot pokers in my eyes than do it again, but my kids are big. they just don't always need me.

good and bad, i know. i know that when we all hop in the car to go catch a movie and we don't have diaper bags and changes of clothes and we can see something that we will all enjoy. or when we go camping or bike riding or bowling, etc. they are big and in some ways they are much more fun.

but every once in a while, the little one still hops up on the couch to snuggle, just because. no one is looking and he would never admit it to the guys on his team, but i am glad that every once in a blue moon they still just need mom. just for a second.

on the other hand, could they please not need me in the middle of the night? i'm off duty.

my mom calls me this afternoon and tells me she has two free tickets to some big dinner, dancing shindig. (my aunt couldn't go)

sparky told her he would definitely go.

ummm. kids? doesn't my mom remember that part? she is the babysitter. so...if she goes, we don't. we can't just leave them alone for 7 or so hours and i am not going to trust someone new for a late night babysitting adventure. j and c can be a challenge at times.

a little more notice would have been nice (although even then our babysitting resources are almost nonexistant). dinner and dancing? hell, i have been watching "dancing with the stars" faithfully, i am sure we would have kicked some ass on the dance floor. lol.

on edit: sparky is going to go and i am on kid duty. at least one of us will get to go.

j is home from school today enjoying his winter break, lounging on the couch and watching lion king.

j: mom?
me: yeah bud
j: i love you
me: aw, i love you too bud.
j: but if you die....promise you won't come back and yell at me in a big, scary cloud head, k?
me: ok, bud, if you're good.

j wanted a little snack before bed. we have been trying to curb the snacking a bit and i was feeling pretty proud of him because he said:

"i think i should have yogurt instead of cake."

i have to tell you that's more than i can say a lot of nights. cake or yogurt? not always an easy choice. it's good cake too. really.

but j has it all figured out apparently:

"yogurt has to be better for you 'cause it's all squishy and stuff, right?"

i was just reading a post that asked for advice about kids and anti-depressants. i am not linking because 1)i am feeling rather lazy today and 2)i don't really feel it's my place. i did email the person and offer my not-so-expert advice.


that's not the point of this post though. the point is that while reading the comments to her post i found myself getting ticked off again at the number of people who find it so damn easy to criticize someone for considering meds for their kids. they cite studies about effectiveness and appropriateness and while i am sure that this is all done with good intentions, deciding to put your kids on meds is one of the most difficult and heartbreaking decisions to make. people telling you that kids just don't need meds makes it so much more difficult.


guess what? some kids do need meds. mine does.


want to call me a bad parent? go for it. but it won't be because i gave him what he needed. it could be because i let him watch movies other parents wouldn't or because we had cake for breakfast over the weekend or maybe because of that one time i ran co over with the car, but it isn't because i give j what he needs to live his life the best way possible.


i am not sure where i am going with this. it just makes me crazy when people say things like, "why don't you just try....." or "i can't believe people would drug their kids instead of just taking the time to ....." yes, i think many kids are overdiagnosed and meds (especially ADD meds) are overprescribed but if you are dealing with a parent who is agonizing over the decision, clearly this isn't one of those cases.


/ rant


see what happens when i am stuck home working on a crappy, rainy day?

that's the answer to any request when you have kids.

this morning, i called down to the playroom that it was time to get ready for school...

"in a minute."

"no, now. let's go."

"but we can't stop right now we are at a good part!"

so i tromp downstairs prepared to turn off the gamecube and issue idle threats about never playing again and i am greeted with a darkened tv screen. they aren't playing gamecube. they aren't watching tv.

where are they? they are both curled up on the couch with their new books....reading! reading!

ok, you can come up in a minute.

on the long ride home from the city today c asked me if everyone had to go to school for more years than they don't go to school.

"does everyone have to go to grad school?"

"nope, mom chose to."

i should remember this sometimes when i want to throw my hands up and tell everyone to feck off.

meeting with the prof resulted in good news and bad news.

good news: i have a good idea that is new and possibly publishable if i get it together.

bad news: that idea was the small portion of a long paper. this means the rest needs to be chucked and i need to start over without much secondary stuff to work with and move into areas that have been more difficult for me in the past.

i can do it. it just wasn't what i had been thinking. and yes, i chose this.

they are making me insane. it is a constant stream of bickering, screaming and whining tonight.

can you call in sick from being on mom duty?

i would so do it tonight. i need a mental health day.

oh, and they are grounded until they're thirty.

j was suspended again. looks like he gets a 5 day weekend.

i am at a loss for what to do. he isn't acting differently at home--no unusual episodes--so i don't know what is causing this at school.

i do know 2 things:

1) giving him a five day weekend is not punishing him. he doesn't want to go to school.

2)in a classroom with a 3 to 1 student to teacher ratio, in a school for emotionally disturbed kids, it is not being unreasonable to think that they should learn to be flexible and work more closely with the IEP. if a child is in crisis, you don't grab them or try to rationalize with them. i know this and i don't have any special training besides 11 years of dealing with it.

his teacher is a "this is how it has always worked and i am not changing" kind of person. she says that he will need to work within the rules in real life. yes, he will. but....and this is key here, he needs to learn to do it. that's why he is there. that's why the ratio is so low and that's what we are fucking paying you for.

j is smart and creative and sensitive but unfortunately he has my crazy genes. he suffers from depression and severe ADD. this isn't ADD that just makes kids a little distracted or unable to sit still. he isn't hyperactive. it makes it so he can be completely unable to cope because his mind just won't allow him to focus or because he can't stop focusing on something unimportant. i have learned coping skills over the years. he is still learning. he is also a bit OCD which makes the hyperfocus problem even more complicated.

i know what it is like to be in his head. i know that he is frightened and frustrated and there are days when it just seems like all of this will never end. i want to hug him and tell him that it is all going to get better. but i don't know how to make it better.
we are both overwhelmed.

instead of checking things off of the to-do list i will be snuggling up on the couch and watching star wars

got a call from c's school. fever, sore throat--he got to come home early for an afternoon of jello, juice and movies. and since i don't want him to be lonely, i thought i would join him.

i'll work on that paper tomorrow.*

j asked to read "bartleby the scrivener." asked! as a geeky lit person i am sooo proud--just not sure how good an idea it is for bartleby to be a role model.

i am imagining many days of:

i would prefer not to

call from j's school this afternoon. it seems that my child had the unmitigated gall to ask to drink his own juice from his lunch when he didn't like the one provided at snack. can you imagine? what trouble! how could he?!

there is a flat rule for this (as it appears there are many such rules) in his new classroom. if this was a classroom with a large number of students i can understand how it might be problematic to allow children to retrieve their drinks from their bags instead of drinking the generic swill that the school provides. (no, really, i don't, but i will go with it for now) but there are only 6 kids in his class. 6!

apparently the reasoning is that it wouldn't be fair for someone to have something different. i might make someone feel bad. is there that much disparity in snack quality? would this really cause a snack riot? i am going to point out, once again that this is a school for emotionally disturbed children. j wasn't asking them to get him something else. he was simply asking to reach in his desk and have his own juicebox. what about kids with allergies? do they just dehydrate silently to avoid a snacking fiasco?

i was then told that j would have to stay after because he refused to do anything until he could have his juice. ok. he can't hold them snack-hostages, but this could have been easily avoided and now we are setting up yet another power struggle to be fought daily. choose your battles you f-ing morons!

and when i mentioned to the principal that i was having doubts about the teachers capability, she assured me that this woman has been teaching for thirty years. wtf? this should assure me? someone who clearly thinks she knows all? i met her. i don't like her. she is snotty and pretentious and what's worse? she wears her elastic waist pants pulled up slightly higher than her droopy-ass boobs! gah! she just knows that her way is the only way that works. she is in charge of teaching other teachers. she is spreading her attitude like the freakin' plague.

i know that j is going to butt heads with her this year. but she has no idea what's coming. she has yet to deal with me. and i have no use for prima donnas who think that because they learned something thirty years ago they know everything about every child. this is a classroom with six kids that is supposed to provide individualized education. rules for the sake of making rules are merely ways that you can attempt to feel like you have power.

so i am heading in, pissed off, with a head full of snot and unge to pick up j after he stays after school. (no bus is provided for this punishment and it's about 45+ min each way).

we are going to have words, she and i.

got home to a phone call from j's principal. i haven't had too much contact with his teacher yet--school has been running fairly smoothly so far--but it seems that he is having a rough stretch and locking down.

all of this started last week when he came home and informed me that he was wrong about his teacher.

"remember how i said i liked her, mom? i was wrong. she's evil!"

turns out that his teacher has a strict "no crying" policy and j was been sent to detention for crying. i am torn on this rule. i understand that at this age (11) they want to encourage them not to cry, but j isn't in a public school. he is in a school for emotionally disturbed kids--specifically kids who suffer from depression, etc. it seems ludicrous to humiliate a child for crying in front of his class. so where does that leave me with this rule? he is now so afraid of getting detention for crying that he locks down and does nothing...except cry. it would seem to me that teachers who are trained to deal with this should know better.

the phone call today that started out as a "look what your son is doing now" call turned into me ranting about this policy and how it is affecting j. he was doing really well this year so far so i am pissed that they are being boneheads about this.

conferences are approaching. should be fun.

yeah yeah. it's a long list. but for the sake of this rant, let's limit it to just this:

homework.

no, not mine although i have been a bit of a slacker so far leaving things 'til the last minute--lots of train ride reading.

i hate the boys' homework. let's start with the general idea of it. the oldest gets homework just to teach him to do homework for the "real world." here's an idea...let's find him a job without homework, k? honestly, if there is no point to the work but to make sure he does work at home, let it go. if he was having trouble with something, needed help or extra time, had a project to work on, then i could understand. but this repetitive, useless crap is...well...useless. bring on a book report. i am a friggin' wiz-kid with a diorama! but his teacher doesn't let them do those projects at home. just boring crap. he knows it is useless. i know it is useless and the stress is killer.

and the little guy? i swear he has more homework than i do. project piled on project. and what the hell for? he is eight years old. and every night he cries and every morning he has a stomach ache that is "too bad to go to school." they have taken a kid who loved school and crushed him in a mere two and a half weeks. nightmares, sleep-peeing, and elementary school ulcers. poor kid has my stomach as well as my study habits.

and you know what? i suck at homework. i have always sucked at homework. i don't want them to inherit my "eh...there's still time. i'll do it later" attitude or my olympic medal procrastinating skills. every report card i ever had said, "very bright. not working up to potential." we'll leave out the reports on whether or not i work and play well with others ;)

so we have kicking, screaming, swearing homework time--and that's just me. it sucks and we all hate it and i don't know how to make it work better. i hate to tell them, but it is going to get worse. much worse.

suggestions? i am considering beating up c's teacher and telling j's teacher what i really think, but i would imagine that won't bode well for their school careers.

boys will be boys

except for those times when boys will be monkeys

(click for larger monkeys)

we are going to have fun if it kills them, and you might think that dragging them from computer/tv/gamecube may just be the worst thing in the world. grrrr. it's beautiful outside. they would know that if i could pry their tiny hands off the game controllers.

we are going to the popcorn zoo this afternoon and then apple picking.

and it's going to be fun. dammit.

books are covered, backpacks packed, mountain of forms signed and ready to return...we are back in the groove.

now if i could get it together and get my work done. i have a couple hundred pages left to read and the ADHD is kicking in hard. i can't concentrate for more than a page or two at a time. usually i can manage it by changing where i am working or turning on/turning off background noise but i just can't this week. nothing seems to be working. i am hoping that it is just back to school tension because i can't afford the meds right now. i am hoping that tomorrow, when i have the whole day to myself, i will be able to get some work done.

right now we are going to snuggle on the couch and watch "elf" together. hubby is in Atlantic City with his dad so it is just the boys and i tonight and they are fading fast. another bonus of back to school week--they are too exhausted to fight about bedtimes!

what goes *slip* *thump* *thump* *ouch* "who left that book on the steps?!?!?!" *thump* *thump* *crash* *ouch* ??

i just finished my checklist for the day, realized that it wasn't very kid friendly as it is filled with errands, took a deep breath and prepared myself for the inevitable whining.


i walked over to the basement door, you know, the basement, where i keep the boys during the day....took a deep breath and in as pleasant a mom voice as i could muster sing-songed, "boys...i am going to hop in the shower and when i get out we are going to get started on errands."


steeling myself against the door and waiting for the sonic blast of whining and protests, i was stunned as all i heard from the basement was,


"ok mom!"


do you have kids? do you know how rare that is? ok mom? i can count on one hand the amount of times that happens. no "but we were just gonna...." no "do we have to..." no "it's not fair..."


of course they are now fighting to the death over who was cheating at a video game, but hey....i got an "ok mom."

ah, the joys of parenting. a long, fun baseball practice today that included a couple of tears. he takes it so seriously and wants to do so well that he sometimes forgets that he should just have fun.


i don't want to be that parent. you know, the one who is all "suck it up. what are you doing? are you crying? stop being a baby." and i don't want to...well...baby him. sheesh. this blows.


my general answer to team sports was "screw this! i don't have to put up with this" but apparently he likes team sports and wants to play.


in other exciting news...today was library day and they are enjoying this new little routine at the "free bookstore."


and in the most exciting news...."i've got a golden ticket......tomorrow!!! it's tomorrow!!! i can't wait to go see charlie and the chocolate factory. i may eat just chocolate all day in celebration. really, just chocolate. *

ok, not hs exactly but baseball camp at the hs.


he looks so small next to those huge kids. the camp has kids age 8-HS. i am sure he will have fun once it gets started but he just looked so quiet and small when i left.


this was so much harder than the first day of school.


on edit: isn't it a nice day for a walk? and taking the pup for a walk is always a good idea, right? and if i happen to be walking on the other end of the block where i can see him and he can't see me, that's ok too, right?

c tries out for all-stars today. he isn't nervous at all. in fact, he told me in the car that "the worst thing that can happen is he won't make it." i am proud of him for that.

that being said, i am a nervous wreck. no, i am not the "he better be a star or i won't be happy" mom. but his two best friends on his team now are definitely going to make it and i want him to be able to keep playing with them and have fun. so today (and fri and sat since it is a three day process) i am going to be a nervous wreck while he just goes out and has fun.

damn good thing i don't try out for anything any more.

and afterwards, his buddies are coming back here for a water balloon battle. now that i may have to help out with.

seems we overslept a bit this morning so j gets out of school today. i would love to blame him, still might, but honestly no one was moving this morning.

but i got up, got a shower and ran out to put the garbage out before the truck came. as i tipped the can back onto its wheels a strange, red, liquid poured out from the top all over my legs. ewwwwwwww. ew. ew. ew.

so, just got another shower...

i went to j's school variety show friday. late thursday night he comes in and says, "mom, you can come tomorrow. all the other moms will be there." just like that. no mention of it before and j's school is an hour away so it isn't a quick trip.

ok. we have been spending endless hours immersed in little league so i figure it is only fair that i go and see him.

when i get there, i am escorted to my seat by one of the hs students (j's school goes from grade 4-12). i see j's class come in in that odd line formation that kids trudge to assemblies in. his face lights up and he keeps telling everyone, "look! that's my mom! she came to see me!" now it isn't like i have been a terrible parent, or at least not in the "i don't go to anything" kind of way. because j's school is a special needs school, events like this are rare. they have some performances but keep the audience limited to classmates for the most part.

he comes over and hugs me and tells me that he is very nervous. he says he doesn't think he can do it and that he doesn't know what he is going to say to go with his tricks. i give him the standard mom pep talk and send him back to his seat.

but now i am nervous. j is a great kid. he is funny and creative. but he can be awkward and shy as well. and he suffers from stage fright. he has been diagnosed for years with a list of things with fancy and frightening initials and a case of depression that he inherited from me. so my stomach was tied up in knots thinking about this poor kid on stage doing magic tricks. he could do the tricks, but he had never managed any of the "spiel." you know, the "show" part of "magic show."

i watched the list as his turn got closer and closer. i questioned the teachers' sanity in letting him do this. how could they set him up like this? if he froze up he would be devestated. most of the performers were high school kids. he is only 11.

i sat through some good performances (a jazz duo that did amazing improv, a couple of accoustic guitar numbers, one girl who sang a strong version of a norah jones tune) and some frightening ones (what is with singing over a cd like it is karaoke but the vocalist is still there? what is that? are you singing? are you milli vanilli? and who told you "i will always love you" was ever a good idea?).

and then he came out. j the great with his magic assistant (the music teacher!). and he was....great. she nudged him along and he made them laugh. and he did three tricks. he was so proud he was glowing. and me? i had tears streaming down my cheeks. i was crying because i was relieved, because i was happy, because i was proud of how much it took for him to get up there and do this show.

so without further ado i give you.....j the great

i give up. this rain is making the kids batty. i am screaming like a psychotic lunatic and i think that the only real solution is duct tape. lots and lots of duct tape......

today's game was not called for rain.....

so, you get this

there are a few more over here

he is having a good time. and he loves getting to wear all that gear.

i hate hate hate that j has to ride such a distance on the bus. and i hate hate hate the people who are in charge of this ride.

fucking beligerent bitch with her bobbing head and attitude problem. she is lucky i don't have a bus to use as a weapon or i would run her as over in a fucking heartbeat!

so i wrote a little letter, and considering my first letter went something like "who does that fucking beligerent uneducated bitch think she is?" i think this one is significantly toned down.

today my oldest turns 11! 11? how can that be?

he is a happy boy this morning. he was thrilled with his gifts.
top on the list? star wars legos and a star wars gameboy game, of course! and a brand new bike!

happy b-day to my creative, funny, 11 yr old! never a dull moment, i tell ya!

no, not the mets. although we are watching the game.

how about this up and coming star...

the rest of the pics are over here or click here for the snazzy slide show. ;)

he had a great time today. got his uniform and is all set for the first game on saturday. hubby, on the other hand is wiped out from an afternoon of wrangling 8 yr olds!

on edit: this will be the only baseball we will be discussing around here. we will not mention the giant suckfest that was the mets game. and anyone who even breathes the words "grand slam" ..."I will fong you, until your insides are out, your outsides are in, your entrails will become your extrails I will w-rip... all the p... ung. Pain, lots of pain" k? thanks

or "mom? why is there candy under your bed?"

little one came into the kitchen in that stage of crying where speech is impossible between gasping sobs. large, fat tears were running down his cheeks and streaking through the post baseball practice grime.

"moommmmmm...*sob*....i was accidentally playing in your room..... *sob*...... and i accidentally found a chocolate hotwheels bunny and an egg ....*uncontrollable sobbing and sniffling*"

damn.

so i give him a hug and offer up the "sometimes mom and dad help out the easter bunny" speech. oldest son, who is hanging on to the easter bunny story by the last thread (he knows but doesn't want to risk telling us and not getting loot) agrees with me.

still sobbing. so i snuggle him close.

"it's ok buddy. did you see everything in the bag?"

".....i didn't see a bag mom"

son of a friggin' flippin' furry bunny...

so now i need a new hiding spot and apparently some new items from the huge and hoppy one.

"mmmooommmm... *hiccough* ... am i still going to get that candy? *sob* i didn't mean to see it. it was an acci*sob*dent."

"don't worry buddy. that's just from mom and dad. you can still have it and i am sure the bunny got you something cool."

damn bunny.

"get up! get up! you are going to be late!"
"what?!? you had homework? let's go. get it done!"
"oh no the bus!!! go! go! go! get your other shoe on! where is your coat???"
"hurry up! the bus is going to go! c'mon c'mon!"

ok hon....bye have a nice day!

so far this morning:


"i'm too sick to take care of my gigapet and now he is going to diiiiieeeee! you have to do it mom. clean up his poop"


"i can't reach the tivo remote. i'm too weak to stretch to the coffee table."


"it's ok if i don't bring the bowl with me. i am just going potty and i can throw up right in there so i don't need it."


ungh. now i am cleaning up e-poop from e-pets? and kiddo, if i get the tivo remote i am choosing something other than Balto III.
you can give them the nighttime robitussin during the day, right?

c was up all night barking like a seal. no, that wasn't his talent for american idol, he is sick again. on monday, again. and i miss class today. again.


so i am going to try and work from home, but you know how that goes.


my mom was supposed to come down and babysit tonight, now i have to give her the plague warning phone call.

damn mondays.

spent the day at the philadelphia art museum. the kids are now "doing modern art" because they said they could do it better. lol.


i am going to share two examples of life my house:

j's teacher: (in unbelievably perky voice) hi! this is j's teacher. just wanted to let you know that there's no school because of the snow.
me: (pretending to be awake) gruaodifjdjhafshd....ummm....k. thanks for calling.
j's teacher: and just a reminder that j has off next week for winter break.
me: ....................
j's teacher: hope you guys have a fun week off!
me: next week? he has off all of next week??????
j's teacher: (giggling uncomfortably at my obvious lack of good parenting) yup! just like it says on the calendar. have a good week!
me:..................

so hey, look at that! looks like j has off next week. and you know i would have had that poor kid up, dressed, and standing in the cold waiting for the bus.

me: pick something good for us to watch tonight.

*i cringe waiting for them to announce that we will be sitting through another viewing of air bud*

c walks up to me with a big grin and his hands behind his back.

c: how about this?

holds out copy of monty python and the holy grail

gotta love 'em!

so someone *coughJcough* got suspended from the bus for a day. i have my problems with the bus and the hour ride which i have ranted about many times before, but he still isn't allowed to push it until he is suspended. we had to try extremely hard to get him into this school so that he could be somewhere where people would help him.


sooo....who is being punished here? someone gets the day off of school. not me. i have classes all morning that i may have to drag him to or keep coming home in between from.


and while he is banned from the computer for the rest of the night and all day tomorrow, i get to hear the moaning and crying and screaming about how it isn't fair. not fair? oh, he hasn't begun to know not fair! wait til tomorrow when i am his teacher!


i am sipping a martini and trying not to kill him. it may take a few.

it seems that the awful vomit/stomach virus has hit the schools around here.

have you seen the countdown over there??? ------ >

so here's the deal, if the little buggers come home happy and healthy today

i am not. sending. them. next week at all. *gasp*

yes, i know what this could do to the stress level. but almost half of the school is out sick.

cleaning vomit off of mickey mouse is not going to make for a fun trip.

c: "oh yeah, *evil laugh* naughty is my middle name..."

i had to go and look. they were just playing gamecube. lol.

i swear i am going to get some work done this morning. right after i curl up with c for a little snuggle. his turn home today with a cold.

i have decided that i am sabotaging my grad school apps. if i don't finish them, no one can say no i guess. or yes, which might be even scarier. so i have been just putting things off and letting things pile up. i am so worried about the outcome either way that i am making myself sick. the ADD is kicking in and i am making lists and planning essays, but i can't seem to get it together and get them completed. it's terrifying either way. i have survived school so far with a carefully crafted system of routines (and some creative procrastinating). i am dreading starting over again as much as i know it's what i want to do.

so today...back to work. personal statement and writing sample will be completed.

right after that nap with c.

me: how was your trip to the library? did you take a bus?
c: no we walked. it wasn't long, we turned at the big building with a picture of a guy in the glass for a shortcut.

me: ...

j's bus never showed.

at least that's the story i am getting. i really have no reason not to believe him, but that means i have a kid home today. ungh!

called the school and let them know. now i am figuring out how many classes he gets to go to. think he will enjoy the congressional debate? oh yeah. this will be fun.

the phone rings and i get up for the twentieth time from my conversation/gossip-fest with my friend to check caller id and decide if i am in the mood to chat.

it's j's teacher. it rings again. i debate whether or not i want to go another round of "guess what your son did today." it rings again. ah hell. i answer it.

"mrs d? this is j's teacher. don't panic. it's good news."

lol. seems we don't have a lot of those phone calls and we both know it.

"j has had the best week since he started in this school last year. in fact, he won student of the week for the entire school."

holy crap! he isn't in trouble...he is the amazing wonder kid!

so we reward him with a bonus in the allowance and i take him to toys 'r' us before it burns a hole in his pocket. the kids were ecstatic that transformers were buy one get one.

and then we hit the geeky boardgame jackpot!! we got this RISK 2210 AD game and then for free we also got this Heroscape game. oh yes, we are in strategy board game heaven.

and they aren't fighting. well, in the game they are. but they aren't screaming, bickering, threatening to tattle, fighting.

me: any homework?
j: no, it's the weekend
me: buddy it's only thursday
j: yeah, but we don't have school tomorrow or monday
me: .....................

mom of the year i tell ya.

and the second one is off and running this morning....

now i just have to get ready for one more first day of school. mine. i head back tomorrow. (but i am not posting a picture!)

And you know what today is???? It's my best buddy's birthday!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LARA!!!!!!!!!

here it is folks. the obligatory first day of school photo, complete with a fake "mom, do we have to do this?" smile.

i have now officially turned into crazy-ass-screaming-til-my-throat-hurts-headspinning-psycho mom from hell.

wanna join me?

i am sure this will cost them years of future therapy..

and the cause of all of this stress. evil f-ing legos. yup. they can never be cleaned up because whenever we start someone starts playing with them. then loses interest. then we start to clean them up. lather. rinse. repeat.

can they be sucked up in the vacuum? hundreds of them. and their little lego heads and legs and those damn lego light sabers????

oh no, he wasn't good.

3:30 comes and i am calming myself down so we can have "the talk" when he gets off the bus. only, he doesn't get off the bus. now it's 3:45. still no j.

so i call.

"oh no mrs d. we told you he would be staying."

"oh no (now gritting my teeth so hard i am in pain) you said you were checking and would call me by 2:30 if he had to stay today and if you had faculty to cover. i gave you my cell phone number and have been waiting."

"oh, i am sure that we told you" (in that happy sing-songy "i work with kids" voice)

so now it's 4:00. i have to pick him up at 4:30. it's a 35-45 minute trip without traffic. i have no gas in the truck. c has to come with me. i am shaking so badly i am crying. and my stomach? we won't even go there...

and did he accomplish all his work during this little stint in after-school detainment? nope. so now we are having the battle to end all battles over homework at home.

i still have to go to the grocery store, shell out $200 bucks for meds, and make some form of dinner.

then....drinks are on me folks and they will be plentiful.

damn mets better not suck tonight that's all i have to say. because at this point i am not above flying (or stomping) out to AZ and beating them senseless just because.

it appears that the little bugger managed to get through today without having to start the new "staying after" plan.

dr. finally called back and we are picking up adjusted meds this afternoon.

instead of smashing things i went and killed an hour at the bookstore. cost me some money (GRE study guides, weird new jersey, and the bad guys won) but may have saved lives. that's right. i am a firm believer in shopping to save lives.

j's school just called again. seems he is still at it.

yesterday i took away his online priviledges. if he doesn't earn enough points at school today he will have no comp and no tv. it doesn't seem to matter. and anyone who has ever grounded a kid knows who is really being punished!

so now....now, they are going to keep him after school whenever he doesn't get his work done. apparently the kids hate this and this should help. i doubt it. he can manipulate any system they can create. but the best part? guess who gets to drive a friggin hour on rte 1 in rush hour traffic to pick his ass up when this happens? yup. me. and c. because there is no bus service for this kind of thing.

sonofafrigginbitch!

and support on this one? nope. you see someone has to work for a living while i do nothing all day. ^#$%&@#^%$&@$% so he can't talk right now and i will just have to handle this.

fuck.