In an attempt to get the kids to do something besides play video games, watch TV and drive me over the edge now that arctic-type temps have taken over and apparently outdoor play is not nearly as appealing, we have come up with a new game.

My attempts at "Why don't you go draw something, paint something, write something" have been met with sighing and eye-rolling. Because moms are dumb, slow creatures who know nothing of the real world of kids. We were, of course, born old, never experiencing the glee of knowing everything and ever-so-much more than all adults.

So I started the prompt box this morning. I cut billions and billions of scraps of paper (ok, maybe 75-100, but it really felt like billions) and folded the colored little strips in half. On each piece I wrote one word. I put them in a little box with a lid that we shake, shake, shake. The monsters boys then choose three glorious and brilliant words from the box. They look them over carefully deciding in a poker-like manner if they would like to trade one in, knowing that they will be stuck with the new choice.

From there it is just like mad-libs with crayons or paints or Microsoft Word. The idea is to use the words to create something. If they want to make it more interesting they may add more ideas to the list but they must use what they draw.

They are having lots of fun creating and almost as much fun thinking of words to add to the box. I am enjoying a few bicker free hours.

Just a few of the words so far:

Overheard tonight while I was sending a mopey, sick C to my room to snuggle up in my bed:

"What's with him getting to sleep in there?! I'm the special needs kid! I have chronic stuff and ADD and...."

"You're a chronic pain in the ass."

Yup, it's the holiday season. Peace on earth and all that.

C was complaining of mysterious ailments that caused me to think he had a case of can-i-stay-home-itis. But a 9yr old doesn't go to bed voluntarily at 6:30 just to get out of school the next morning.

Looks like I have company tomorrow.

I have Decemberists tickets for Wednesday.

Good news you say? Well, yes. I am excited and Sparky is being a good sport. But we don't have a sitter. Family lives to far to have them do it during the week and in-laws? Don't get me started.

I know a few people with kids old enough to sit but they aren't old enough that it isn't awkward for J (he's 12). If we were going to be local I would consider leaving him in charge but we are trucking into Philly so I'm not comfortable being so far away and knowing that we would be home late.

I brought up bringing them with us, inspired by Scrivener's recent success but the boys don't seem overly interested and I don't want to spend the night feeling as if I force fed everyone fun.

"We'll have f-ing fun even if it kills us!!!"

You get the idea. So now my happy little tickets seem more like stress and I am a bit bummed.

The Decemberists are playing in the background as I write (the mp3 player not a private concert that would make all this a moot point) and I am sorting it out.

on edit: Woot! My mom has agreed to watch the guys in exchange for many, many errands and favors to be determined later. A steep price, yes, especially if you know what these could be, but Sparky and I get a night out in Philly.

What a better way to enjoy a Fall evening than the traditional Halloween-time viewing of Young Frankenstein?

And my boys make me so proud. They laugh ahead of time because they know this movie by heart and count it as one of the funniest movies ever. J is lying on the couch chuckling along to the classics.

So what's your favorite YF quote?** What? You don't have it memorized? Ok, which movie can you quote by heart?

It's possible.

A few more nights like this and someone isn't going to make it out alive. I'm not saying who or anything--you know, just in case this is eventually used for evidence.

J is a reader. He will happily crash in a big comfy chair with a good book and pass a few hours. C likes to be read to but has to be reminded to read. His school requires 20 minutes of reading a night but other than that he is more happy on his skateboard or at the ballfield.

This morning, with a house full of sickies, I peeked in J's room to find him reading scary stories--perfect for the season. Then I peeked in C's room and guess what I found? C, all curled up under a blanket reading Baseball: An Illustrated History - Ken Burns. I just quietly closed the door and tiptoed away. Who am I to interrupt reading?

I did put on the tea kettle so I can curl up with a nice warm cuppa and finish Jane Eyre.

A rainy morning of reading all around. Almost worth having this cold. Almost.

So much for the good day we were having.

Homework battles. I am so f-ing sick of homework battles. J has announced that we should tell him what the punishment for not doing homework would be so he can make a decision whether or not it's worth it.

Grrrrrrrr.

C forgot his entire folder and is sobbing that he will miss lunch tomorrow to catch up.

We are now enjoying a period of J screetching how much he hates us and how all his problems are our fault. I swear there are days when I feel like getting in the car and just driving.

It's raining. Miserable, soggy, no sending them outside rain. And we had a "sleepover" here last night. I have no idea why they call it that because two nine year old boys do not sleep. There is no sleeping. And when one does? The other hits him with various things until they are both awake again.

This means no sleeping for the adults. Well, Sparky slept. But I did say the adults so I guess...

But what are we going to do this morning? My plan of tiring them out taking them to the skatepark is shot to hell. No bikes. No boards. No park. Boys. Inside. And the sound of the Pokemon game looping over and over and over.

Also, very disturbing. I dreamed that T-Bag from Prison Break broke into my house. He just pushed the deadbolt back and came in. The police wouldn't help. Sparky wouldn't get off the computer. Ewwww. T-Bag.

***rainy baseball update*****

Three baseball games today. Three. At least they are home and we aren't travelling an hour. My parents are coming down to see him play which is fun because they live far enough away that they don't get to see him that often. Now I hope that he doesn't get frustrated and he realizes that it's ok to be tired on a long day.

He's starting pitcher for the first game which he loves but which make my stomach wish I hadn't opted for the breakfast sandwich this morning. Then he is going to catch for about 10 innings. (6 inning games at this age)

Somewhere in the middle of the doubleheader I have to put down the scorebook, grab some lunch and set out on a quest with J to capture some elusive Pokemon at the local toy store. There's a promotion where they can bring in their games and get a very rare guy. Since we will be spending all day at the fields we thought it was only fair to do this for J. I'm sure it won't be stressful.....

The basement is coming along--dumpster is almost full. But we found mold in the crawlspace. Icky, nasty, mold. And the crawlspace? It's right under my bed. Maybe that's what made me crazy? Maybe it's just the mold?

So happy that it is crisp and clear and we get to spend the day outside. Fall makes me a little more happy and a little less crazy. It's something.

I am so damn sick of the bedtime battles, of the "I can't"s and "I don't wanna"s.

Oh please, oh please, someone be mean and cruel and tell me that I have to go to bed on time and if I'm not tired I can just quietly read for a while. Please someone be that awful to me.

Holy shit kid. Go to bed. Your own bed. And stop. calling. me.

The battle of the homework....round 1.

ding ding

or creative, or unique or to have a personality that in any way differs from the others or makes it challenging or exciting to teach a class.

Everything in C's class is so regulated--the color of his notebooks (solid color 70 page wide ruled notebooks only), the style of his folders (solid color, laminated folders. no pictures at all) the style of pencil (dixon ticonderoga #2 pencils only), the type and color of composition books. It doesn't allow for them to express themselves at all. I am sure that art projects will be mimicry instead of free expression as well. Would it kill her if he kept his math homework in a Mets' folder? Would his ability to do long division be hampered in any way? What if he dares to put a sticker on a notebook? What if he doodles?

Obviously, we went to a "How to Organize the Classroom" conference and since she is also a mindless drone, she sucked up every tip and plans to enforce it. Think for yourself sweetheart. It's fun. You should try it.

I know this makes it easier for the teacher but if she's a good teacher she should be engaging them and teaching them organizational and study skills without dulling them into tiny little clones who only "learn" to get through the day.

And she doesn't allow juice in the room. Ok, fine, I guess. No juice with snack. Water only. But today I sent flavored water and she made him bring it back home. Plain water in a standard size plastic bottle only. Puhlease.

Oh, sweetheart, we are going to have a fun year aren't we?

I am going to have to think of fun things to keep C interested in reading and learning around here so he doesn't just flip out and squeeze a flavored water on the woman. So far he likes her. Me? I am reserving judgment and bringing juice to the open house ;) I'm crazy like that.

"Hi bud! How was your day? Do you like your teacher? Did you see your friends? Do you have anyone you know in your class?"

"Um. Good. Yeah. Can I go to the dead end and ride my board?"

Sure. Don't tell me. Throw me overboard for the cool kids. Just see what you get in your lunch tomorrow! Ha!

c first day 06
Originally uploaded by ya Gotta Believe.

You know what this calls for??

You know it isn't a good sign when C slinks up the stairs for a pair of shoes and Sparky meanders to the broom closet to just "sweep up some little something."

Uh huh. Broken glass. And you know it was mine. They never break their own crap.

can I have him back please???

If you've been reading here for a little bit you know that the bus is always an adventure.** Happily, yesterday went smoothly. So this morning I was surprised to see a new busdriver. But, hey, I figure they are still working out the kinks in the new school schedule.

I asked the bus driver if she was new. She said yes and looked a little puzzled. She said she thought there wasn't school today. J gave me the "I told you so" look since he had mentioned it the night before. Always the brilliant mom, I called the school. Oh yes, they are very open.

So we confirm information. J? Yup. This address? Yup. And off he goes for a fun day of school.

And then.....the bus shows up. You know, the one from yesterday. I run down the driveway and tell the driver he's already been picked up. Only now we don't know where that bus is taking him. No idea. It isn't to his school. We are thinking that it is to the township school.

Thankfully we bought him that cell phone!!! Now we just wait to hear from someone, anyone.

Where is my kid??????

on edit: Ok, an hour later he is at the school but we are still unsure what happened, why two bus different bus companies think they are contracted to pick him up and who, if anyone, will be taking him home. So glad to be back to normal with the bus companies!

I am as big a baseball fan as anyone out there (yes, I know--duh!) but we were pretty sure that there would be no game tomorrow. After all, it has been raining cats and dogs for two straight days.

Latest update? Back to back games tomorrow morning. We have to be at the fields at 9:00 and the fields are 45 minutes away.

It is going to be a mudfest and I am crabby and want to sleep in. One game at 10 and one at noon. Know how many players we have for tomorrow? Nine! That means none of them get an inning off and since the games are two hours long it also means that they don't get a break between games.

I am just going to whine about this for a few more minutes and then head off to bed.

We have been looking for something that J could do--something that would be specifically for him since C gets to spend a lot of time with baseball, drum lessons, skateboarding, etc. It can be a little difficult to find a great fit for J because of his needs. For example, large groups are out, camps are out.

So we decided to get him art lessons. He is bright and creative and loves to draw, paint, sculpt, etc. Sparky could obviously handle art lessons. He is very talented. But taking lessons from your dad is too much like listening to your parents and would probably go the way of piano lessons from mom--a complete disaster resulting in tears and foot stomping.

Lucky for us a good friend of ours is also an artist and agreed to take on Jake as a student. They are sitting right now at the table creating monsters and creatures and morphing my poor Roxie into a three headed, winged hydra. Thankfully it's only on paper and we are not conducting science experiments as of yet!

He is having a great time and getting to indulge that imagination of his. So far. So good.

Open house for C this morning. He is starting in the intermediate school (four elementary school combine at this level).

I am looking at the clock.

"Self," I'm thinking. "Aren't you supposed to do something today? I wonder what time that Open House is?"

Of course, I wondered this at 12:15 and by 12:17 I realized that I had missed our 9am session. Damn my last name with its early in the alphabet letter!!

...why some animals eat their young.

C got dropped off this morning at baseball camp--just half days for a week. He looked a little quiet and reserved until he saw another little guy standing with his head down, shuffling his feet in the dirt.

C looked at me, grinned, grabbed a ball and his glove and trotted over. They didn't need to introduce themselves or go through any of that awkward small talk that adults do. C just held up the ball, waggled it in the air and the other guy started to smile and held up his glove. That was it.

I waved goodbye, not that he would notice, and smiled that this year C is the one going out of his way to make the little guys feel welcome. What a difference one year has made.

I wish I had 1/10 of the kid's social skills.

I'm working on a post about school choices, job choices and the poll on whether or not "you are what you do." Right now though I am just avoiding the to-do list, watching movies with J and waiting to go and get my little guy from camp.

During this redecorating/cleaning process the boys each got new bookshelves. Since I have been wanting to sort through their books for a while now to make space, this worked out well

As we sat sifting through the books, I fought my urge to tell them which ones to keep and which to donate. These are, after all, their books. But once in a while, I just had to silently retrieve a book or two from the donate pile.

I have so many memories tied into some of those books. I know that they have outgrown them and that they aren't going to curl up on my lap with their little baby shampooed heads and let me read to them about puppies or trains or The Fat Cat? I may just sit down with a cup of tea and read it myself. You know, after I get through the stress of the next few days. Hottentot and Skolinkenlot hitting the donate bin? I think not!

I also rescued The Monster at the End of this Book because it is one of my favorites for reading to little guys and I still have a few little people stopping in now and then ;) Anyone wanna come over for a good book?

In the end we said goodbye to three big boxes of books. We'll donate them so that someone else can make some memories.

We went to McD's for lunch this afternoon--the usual "if you behave during errands and I don't have to kill you" kind of bribe--and no one ordered a kids' meal.

Nope. No toy surprises today. *sniff*

C did however create his own soda at the fountain. A blend of root beer, orange, ice tea and sprite. He said, "It starts off like root beer but finishes, surprisingly, with the taste of coke."

There you have it. Nostalgia and a food review all wrapped up in one tidy little blog post.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, the asian salad at McD's is just plain nasty. (A bonus review for those not planning on attempting the soda blend.)

comments still not working (help??!!) email me

He cried. Lots of big, tears. Not a good sign for trying out with the "big guys."

It's hard for us to watch him do that but we don't seem to know how to help him shake things off easier. I think that that might have been it for his chances for the 9s and I hate that it was those tears and not his ability to play that might be the thing that tips the scales.

He just had a rough start at the plate and crumbled.

He was just wound too tight and takes things too hard. He's like his mom...and it makes his dad crazy.

Welcome to Stressville with stops at Walking on Eggshells and Pretend Cheery Voices.

And you have to love baseball nights, "Hurry up and eat your dinner so you can go to bed!"

Did I mention he chose drums???

Did I mention he doesn't care for the silencing practice pad?

Did I mention he can be a little obsessive about new things?

Just checking...

Today was the day I have been waiting for since the little tikes were born. We went to the music store to sign the rental contracts. Band instruments!! What would it be? The melodious french horn? A jazzy saxophone? NOPE.

I am doomed to the drums! C is thrilled and J is wishing we had a much bigger house. (J is considering the baritone so I think they will be even soon.)

But the quote of the day? I was telling them how playing music makes you smarter. You do better on tests, etc. (For example, Mom is a genius, right?)

C: So music is like steroids for your brain, right? But the cops can't get you in trouble!
J: Yeah, and it isn't bad for you so you don't get hairy and your guys don't shrink.

me:........

Damn bus aide is at it again. The bus with the camera on it is broken (someone smashed a window. Perhaps someone familiar with the driver/aide??) so J is again being taunted and hurt and when he asks the aide to handle it she responds, "That's not my job any more. That's the camera's job. Guess you should have thought of that."

I started the fun phone call rounds this morning and J and I are going to go summer clothes shopping and clean the house. I am sure he's thrilled.

On a brighter note, the dufus that works for Sparky is here today and my house is getting painted. Woohoo! Now keep your fingers crossed for sunshine so we can have a snazzy new paintjob and a baseball playoff game later.

Hot, after game, sweaty boys with smeary eyeblack and ground in clay and brand new white bathroom towels.

Ah hell, boys and white towels in general are pretty unmix-y!

You know what other things are unmix-y?

Arrogant, unsportsmanlike, a-hole coaches and moms. C's team was taking quite a beating in their first playoff game last night and after finishing the bottom of the 4th (and scoring another 4 runs) the opposing team (home team) decided that we needn't play the top of the 5th since it was getting late.

What? We still had plenty of light, fifteen minutes, and you don't go back out there as the home team with a 10+ run lead if you aren't going to allow these kids another shot--especially when it is one of their last games of the season. BS. C was out at the plate, eye black running down his face in sweaty streams, waiting for his chance to get even and we had to bring him back in and tell them to line up like good sports and shake hands.

Good sports? They are lucky there were kids around.

Smile and wave boys. Just smile and wave.

J: "Mom. Can we run to Great Adventure really quick this morning? We could get there early, ride the good stuff and leave before all the crazy, church people get there."

He means we could beat the crowds but he's my kid!

The county transportation department says that the school needs to be responsible for discipline of the kids.

The school says that they are not responsible for transportation.

Transportation says that they are only responsible for providing safe transportation that the driver and aide have (get this) "no training in special needs children. they just do their jobs." Uh, hello, their job is to drive. special needs kids!!!

The school says there is nothing they can do.

The county says that they are looking into it but can't really just take J's word for it. They will question the driver and aide again seperately. Yeah, 'cause I am sure she is going to 'fess up and lose her job.

I am not putting J back on that bus--especially now that we have filed all these reports. I am sure that the idiots who were already taunting him will be so much kinder now that they have been investigated and warned. Dontcha think?

Well, good thing gas is cheap...

on edit: Just got off the phone--again--with the county and they informed me that the driver says the aide makes all the happy little children wear their seat belts and sit quietly and no one ever runs around or taunts one another. Oh, and that she would never call J gay. Uh-huh. Even ignorant people know they would lose their jobs if they said "I don't give a damn what them kids do as long as they don't bother me when I am reading the Star and talkin' on my cell phone. I told that little gay one to just shut his damn mouth and stop bein' a crybaby." There you have it. Problem solved. The driver says they do everything right bu the rules.

and I am off to fight the big battle.

Then I race back home to see if I can finish two papers or if I will be kicked out of the grad program.

You know. No stress.

I am not by nature litigious. But taunting a 12 year old by calling him gay? You better run for fucking cover.

I have blogged here numerous times about J and all the trouble we had with the bus last year. It was a constant source of stress. (For those who don't know, and since I am way too aggravated to link to the archives, J goes to a special school for children with emotional problems. Good school, but it requires an hour bus ride each way)

So far this year we had had relatively little trouble on the bus. Until now.

This afternoon I got a bus conduct report in the mail for an incident Tuesday afternoon. He was written up for refusing to move his seat and because "He is constantly complaining about the other kids/ She's sick of it."

I called the school to find out what that was about. A conduct report because she's "sick of it (him)"? Sorry. Not ok.

Then J got off the bus hysterical. I couldn't calm him down for a good long while. The other kids were throwing things at him, poking him, generally teasing him and when he told the bus driver and aide they told him he was a crybaby. That would have been enough to make me crazy but it didn't stop there.

The bus driver and the aide joined the other two boys in taunting J. They said "You're gay. Just admit it. You don't like giirrrrllls. Just tell us. Everyone already knows."

They went on to make fun of him personally picking on his clothes, calling him dirty and telling him that he smelled.

So far I have contacted the school, the bus company, the board of education and the county. I can't begin to describe how angry I am.

I don't care what he did (and he did react by lashing out and calling her a bitch) they are under no circumstances to taunt my child and/or call. him. gay. What the fuck is that about? What kind of fucking people are they??

I am driving him in on Monday and then this is going to be settled. Luckily, he had met with his principal on Tuesday and told him that he was being teased. He is not innocent in this. He can be a handful. But there is absolutely no excuse for what happened. None at all.

on edit: The head of the county education department has been very helpful. The bus driver turned in her report and, while it doesn't include what we reported, it doesn't in any way contradict it either. Also, the bus driver said that J got very upset because the kids were making fun of gay people and he told them to stop because it was mean to make fun of people for who they love. I feel bad for J but I am proud of him for not joining in that kind of fuckwitted junior bigot club

We are watching TLC's Honey, We're Killing the Kids.

The boys are appropriately terrified.

I am finishing Easter Candy. lol.

Ok, ok, seriously, we are going to start eating better. Please don't send the scary lady to my house, 'k?

I managed to ship C out with a buddy for an afternoon of climbing through tubes and ballpits. Sparky and I thought it would be a good opportunity to spend some time with J since he kind of gets the short end of the stick during baseball season.

We decided to let him pick a movie that C wouldn't be allowed to see--kind of a "big kid" movie day--and we even compromised and let him pick Scary Movie 4 (do I need to post a review? I thought not...)

But it went downhill from there. He lost his shoes. I know that sounds small but he only has one pair of slip-on shoes and refuses to learn to tie. Cue meltdown #1. After the shoe incident there were at least three other meltdowns between home and the movies--a ten minute trip. Sparky and I were ready to give up and go home but we were still trying to make this a day for J.

The movie went well but home was a disaster. Fighting, screaming, cursing, door slamming, threats, sobbing--an all around mess. Sparky and I are at our wits end. At this point J is as big as I am. When he was younger and his tantrums got frightening we could carry him to his room so he could calm down. I can't do that any more. His meds have been adjusted and readjusted. He manipulates therapists so that option has been pointless.

I just sat on the couch with my head in my hands and wondered "why me?" I know that there are people who have it much worse. I really do. But I wonder what is going to happen to J. He is already in a special school and will most likely stay there throughout HS. But what then? What kind of job? Will he ever make friends? He is 12 years old and doesn't have even one friend that he can call to come over and play. It makes me cry. I think of the friends I had when I was 12. I still talk to some of them today--many, many years past 12.

We have tried Doctors and therapists and behavior mod. programs and trends and diets and strict schedules and flexible routines--things aren't getting better. There are times when I am afraid that he could hurt his brother during a meltdown. And yes, he is genuinely remorseful afterwards but that doesn't help during.

I love this kid. He is bright and funny and caring but he needs to realize that things aren't going to change without a lot of work and I don't know when he will see that. Telling him makes no difference.

I worry about his future, his health and wish that I could do something, just something, to make things better. I just can't seem to do it.

So I sit sometimes and wonder "why me" and other times I wish I could just shoulder all this for him and I wonder "why not me?" Why does this poor kid have to deal with all of this? Why can't he just be an average, happy kid playing outside with his friends? Why is he lying in his room wishing that he wasn't born? Why can't I make that better?

We had a great trip--lots of touristy sightseeing and sunshine. I will write more and post lots of fun pictures but there are still a few hours left of J's b-day to spend spoiling him a bit.

I can't believe that he is 12. I look at him sometimes and can't believe he is my same little guy.

I love that he is so much my kid. When we got him his new mp3 player the first thing he asked for was a John Williams CD so he could have the Star Wars soundtrack. And then--he asked for the milkshake song so he could play it and make dad do "that crazy dance he does!"

I love that instead of a big kids party he wanted to spend the weekend in DC with his family (including his pups!).

He is happily playing his new game after a fun day of monuments, movies and a munchkin cake (dunkin donuts!).

I am off to snug him and try and stretch his birthday out 'til the very last second.

Happy Birthday Buddy!!

I have two kids home sick today. One is really sick, I knew for a few days that he was fighting something.

The other....hmmm....maybe sick, maybe not but I think it may also be a severe case of math-itis.

Both have sore throats,crabbiness and a general inability to speak without attitude this morning. Is there a prescription for that?

he's cured!

c woke up this morning working the fake cough/sore throat to get out of school. we went through the motions--took his temp, etc. (nothing)

then i told him that we were setting up a pick-up game for all his buddies after school so they could get together and play a little baseball.

he is suddenly feeling much better and thinks he can make it to school.

amazing!

school mornings. school mornings with yelling, whining, stomping and crying.

(and sometimes the boys are bad also!)