I feel all wound up, like if someone touched me I would spring open and scream and cry and rant and rave and.....obviously write in long runon style sentences.

It's not right. I know it's not right. But it's there. "Would you all just stop fucking talking!" And I thought about writing it without the swearing but that's not it. It isn't a delicate, "Please lower your voices. Mom is feeling a bit tense and quiet, peaceful conversation or a bit of time to myself would help." No. That isn't it. It's this tension--this constant battle to not just shout, "Shut the fuck up. Just leave me the fuck alone." And I feel bad but I cringe when I hear them call my name. I just want to read--uninterrupted. Or think--without getting anyone anything. And it's there, just beneath the surface--roiling, rumbling. It's part ADD. I know that. I know that I can be very testy (!) when I am hyperfocusing. But knowing it doesn't stop it.

Let's add to this that Sparky and I are talking about some exciting changes that may/may not happen. I really want to discuss them. I just can't manage right now. I'm on overload. I don't want any of this to be stressful. It should be fun.

That and I have had an extra little guy around here for a few days. Good kid. But even good kids shouldn't come in herds. The kids are just being kids. Sparky is just being...Sparky. And I need to go for a walk and come home and have a glass of wine before I manage to flip myself inside out.