thanks lara for keeping everyone from thinking i decided on the "stepping in front of the bus" option. i did however contemplate filling out my apps at McD's. Hey, free hash browns are nice too, right? lol.

i am not ready to talk about the test, and mostly because no matter how well intentioned the "i'm sure you didn't do that bad" comments are, i know how i did. it wasn't good. let's leave it for a bit. tomorrow i will have to face too many people asking me how it went and i am hoping not to burst into tears.

it was a terrible feeling walking out of there. i fell apart on the way home and didn't get it back together for hours. maybe not yet. i just feel like so much of what is coming is completely out of my hands and what i thought i had control of is slipping away from me. and i looked like a crazed psycho driving, sobbing and oh yes, singing, at the top of my lungs. don't ask. it's what i do.

and yes, i know that they look at more than test scores. but these are extremely competitive schools for the most part and every little bit counts. so i don't know which little bit might make or break me.

this month is going to be one giant bundle of stress. sorry in advance for what might get posted. but...

- i didn't use the sword, thanks anyway, lara.
- edie's apple pie ice cream was on sale
- desparate housewives is on tonight

see? i will be fine. of course, a little cathartic crying during extreme makeovers home edition is inevitable, right?