- they pay millions of dollars for the clever little "turn off your cell phone" trailer/commercials. everyone sat and watched them. are you that f-ing stupid? turn it off or i will choke you with my twizzlers

- next time you think it would be a good outing to bring the entire future delinquents prison day camp to the movies, think again. and if the hungover college students in charge can't keep them from hoot hooting and clapping to each song on the soundtrack (over the dialogue!) stay the hell home. i don't care how cute you think you are in matching camp t-shirts. i think i am twitching from the effort not to freak out and say something. but really, i was outnumbered and some of those little buggers looked pretty damn scary.

- the movie starts at 1:30. not 1:35, not 1:40. if it is a new movie and you don't believe in birth control and therefore have nearly a dozen kids...get there before the damn thing starts. don't come in at the end and then split up surrounding us like a wagon train so that we are forced to endure "psssst....can you pass the popcorn?" ..."shhh, honey don't kick the nice lady"....."i know you have to pee but you are going to have to hold it"

- it is not ok to give up and let your kid run up and down the stairs so they won't whine. i recommend large doses of benadryl. if they can't sit they can't stay. not fair? too f-ing bad.

i have kids. i know they can be difficult sometimes at a movie. i can tolerate the occasional kicked seat or a kid that is mostly good and the parents are on top of it if they forget. but if they can't sit still and don't even want to see the movie. stay home. get a sitter. wait for the dvd. and for god's sake don't sit by me. those damn yu-gi-oh sneakers hurt when your little darling kicks my shins for two hours because he has to sit on your lap and wriggle because you didn't bother to get there in time. eventually i am going to kick back. you have been warned.