In a strange mood this morning. I feel like I am just watching the world whirl around me and I don't know if I want to reach out and touch the bubble as it floats by or just watch the breeze carry it away. Also, I'm in a mood that has me writing crap like that.

The reading for Venture was last night. As usual, small panic attacks subsided long enough for me to read. I always feel better afterwards, but during the reading I can't shake the "what am I doing here" feeling. I listen to these people read...they are writers. I don't consider myself one. I am a musician. That works for me. And I would have gladly gotten up there and played or sang...but that is just me interpreting someone else's art. My own? That's a whole different story.

I do enjoy the afterglow. The comraderie that follows events like that. Just to feel for a second like they let me in, showed me the secret handshake and taught me the password (of course, thinking every second they will change it again when I leave!)

Today I am putting off until the last possible second reading the novel for class tomorrow. Just can't get my head around it. After last week's disasterous performance in that class I have put way too much importance on this week. And so....in my own special way, that means I will just avoid it at all costs. Sheesh, and this is something that I like!

oh...and as of this morning...it's back to the diet. Official count is x+20lbs. I have two and a half weeks 'til Disney and 3 months 'til Kalamazoo.